Twisted

People,

In the wake of all that is going on with the violence, fear, hurt, and anger in this world, I challenge all of us who are seeking to transcend status quo to read this poem and take it into your heart. If you get something out of it share it. It’s autobiographical, but in the end, it isn’t about me. It’s about taking responsibility for the world that we are all creating. It’s time to wake up or die in our sleep.

The Love,

Pedro S. Silva II

Twisted
Open up your ears and hear
The story that I’m telling you
When I was a little kid
I used to get dissed on the regular

I used to get picked on
Poked at and made fun of
Because I was a sensitive cat
Always talking about One Love

Other kids my age
Had multiple distractions
Where as I was more focused on
Putting words into action

So when I took it to the streets
I didn’t expect to get straight dissed
‘Cause my shoes had too many stripes for Adidas
But not enough for K-Swiss

My words were for nothing
I only evoked laughter
I tried to get them focused off my clothes
But it just didn’t matter

They called me church boy
They said I talked “white”
But they were living cartoon
While I was living real life

I wanted to show love
But all they knew was hating
Perpetually playing themselves
Because they were mentally masturbating

They believed the lie
It had been passed down from their mama
Generations infected by an attempt
To keep the black man in drama

So I took it to the adults
I thought they would understand
But they were too “whitewashed”
To see this burgeoning black man

So I took it to my history teacher
Then he said this to my face
“You’re a smart boy
And a credit to your race”

He thought it was a compliment
Only a white man could say that
If he understood anything about me
He’d have known I wouldn’t play that

But I knew he had good intentions
I could tell he didn’t know
He was caught up like everyone else
So I decided to let it go

I then took it to my Grandma
But what she said left me unsettled
She told me tell white people I was Portuguese
So that they would treat me better

What the hell was that?
Was this some conspiracy?
Everyone and their mama working together
To try to instill fear in me

They saw something I thought was impossible
While I saw something else
They were choosing to believe a lie
But I chose to believe in myself

I knew that God had made me
And I know He only makes the best
So I knew the fact that I was not white
In no way made me less

Someone had gotten it twisted
And I was going to find out who
There was no way I was letting these scared victims of society
Tell me what to do

So at first I examined the white man
Since everyone thought he was so smart
I discovered so many despicable deeds
It was as if he had no heart

Then I checked out the black man
I figured they were more like me
But I got pissed to find out some of them helped
When we were sold into slavery

My mind became consumed with anger
I had to let it out
So I decided to tell every black and white
What I was all about

Well both sides called me a racist
In that they agreed with each other
Whites said I was an uppity nigger
And blacks called me siddity brother

So I then turned to God
Well turned on Him is more accurate
Because I didn’t like the way He made this world
I told Him I wasn’t having it

I said “You better do something
Before I fix this world myself
If You are the One responsible for this
I might as well pray to someone else”

He responded, “While you’re sitting here pointing fingers
How about looking in the mirror
I am the One that made all you see
Call nothing I made inferior

Who are you to judge?
Are you the scale by which all things are measured?
Are all things imperfect as compared to you?
Did you put this world together?

There’s a point to all of this
Just listen to what I’m saying
Perhaps I created this entire world
Just to have you right here praying

In Me anything is possible
To all those who believe
This world is as beautiful or ugly as you see it
It depends on what you choose to perceive

I made this world out of perfection
But in your Ego you thought you could fix it
This world will change when you change your mind
You are the one that got it twisted

© Copyright 2004 Pedro S. Silva II

 

 

This Is Not a Poem

This is not a poem

Despite the rhyming and construction

This is what the critic says

Because it doesn’t follow the poem’s function

I have to show you the dilemma

You have to struggle to understand me

You have to encounter the limitations

Of what a “good poem” can and can’t be

Clever lines don’t make it poetry

Despite conveying my intention

Good poetry has to stick to the rules

And be the result of pure invention

Please don’t come with inspiration

Don’t express in your own style

Don’t emerge with your own cadence

March in step and single file

Try to sound like someone famous

Do not always write in rhyme

 

People cry for peace

Meanwhile they are dropping bombs

Dead men can’t start wars

 

I just dropped some haiku lines

 

But maybe that isn’t poetry

I’ll ask an expert. They will know.

Or maybe they just know what poems are not

“Iambic pentameter is the purest flow”

Truthfully it doesn’t matter

If it isn’t poetry, I’d still be writing

I’d just be calling it something else

And in its expression be delighting

Not simply because I wrote it

But because it’s emerging from Creation

Like a flower that offers fragrance

What I give’s my participation

Whether beautiful or ugly

Lyrically strong or suffering weakness

What I bring forth is what I’m called to give

From the Universe’s unlimited uniqueness

For if I don’t shine the light I’m given

I am a thief and what’s more a liar

And claiming that I am not received

Is no excuse for quenching fire

So call it what you will

I will do what I must do

My words may fail, but I won’t hold back

It might not be poetry, but it’s true

 

© Copyright 2015 Pedro S. Silva II

 

I Have Denied You

I can admit that I’ve denied You

No matter what I’ve tried to say

Even saying Your Name a thousand times

I deny you every day

I don’t do it on the surface

How I do it is undercover

Every time I refuse to love my neighbor

As if they were a sister or a brother

When I close my heart to a stranger

Who may be an angel unaware

I deny that You are The Presence

By pretending You’re not there

I tell myself I’m behind You

That I’m following in Your steps

But the reality is if I don’t give You all

Any credit I receive is theft

I don’t want to be a liar

But I am every time I speak

When I act as if I’m special

Or that my struggle’s are unique

From the least up to the greatest

The categories that we impose

Are just as false as separation

The lie out of which they all arose

It’s one of the things that keeps me distant

Whenever I make it real

Saying, “I feel like I can’t relate to You

Because You don’t know how I feel.”

But in truth You’re right here with me

In everything I do

And suddenly it becomes so very clear

I deny me when denying You

For in relationship I was formed

In communion I was conceived

You accepted me for who I would become

Even before I first believed

That’s why You can’t make me doubt You

I do that on my own

As soon as I open my mouth to say,

“I feel like I’m alone.”

For that has never been my reality

Nor has it been for any person

Endings begin with this very first sin

And from there they begin to worsen

“If I’m alone then no one loves me”

“If I’m alone I can’t cause pain”

But humans aren’t meant to be alone

So the very thought makes us insane

That’s why we’re constantly seeking approval

Causing drama to feel connected

Chasing our tails to personal hells

Because we can’t accept that we’re accepted

I’m sure we don’t want to do this

But we find it hard to fight this

I’m thinking about You at this very moment

And yet I deny You as I write this

 

© Copyright 2015 Pedro S. Silva II

 

 

 

Everything and Then Some

When someone asks you to prove your love,

You better prepare to die

Anything less is just holding back

In this beholder’s eye

Though they do not think they’re worthy

They want you to make them feel they are

But no matter how much you offer them

They won’t believe it without your scars

They want to see you bleed

They want you to give it all away

How much your heart has love for them

Is the last thing they demand you say

Your last words should be a testament

To how much they mean to you

But they’ll find a reason to doubt it

No matter what you do

On them the sun should rise

On them the sun should set

Give yourself to anything else

And their whole world will be upset

Even if it’s your own children

Or your faith in your religion

Any focus that is not on them

In their minds will cause division

They will say it’s because they love you

But this can’t be further from the truth

Because if there’s one thing that I’ve learned from love

Is that it never asks for proof

It gives with no thought of getting

It’s sole hope is that we receive

And even after we’ve denied it thrice

We find Love is the One who grieves

Abandoned and abused

Love still keeps us in its prayers

Compelling us to fulfillment

While we are focused on other cares

Love is so relentless

That it will even refuse to die

Coming back to bless its murderers

Despite this fact we still deny

Love forgives us before we seek it

Keeps its promises while we’re debating

And when we arrive in the hells that we create

We find Love is right there waiting

 

© Copyright 2015 Pedro S. Silva II

God Is Still Seeking

The One for Whom we think we’re seeking
Is the One who sought us first
For we begin as a thought in the Eternal Mind
Before descending into birth
Personality, pursuits, and power plays
Had not yet even been conceived
But being formed in the “Always Is”
All we will be is achieved
Being fashioned out of what can’t be grasped
We cannot fathom the depths of Being
Or the heights to which we’re being led
If we surrender to Truer Seeing
God seeks us not to catch us
But to release us into Life
By first stripping us of all we’re really not
So that the real us comes to light
But the reason that we’re running
Is because what we fear that we might lose
We think that the life we’re making up
Is the only life that we can choose
We subscribe to false conditions
Thus becoming what is prescribed
Most conforming to illusion
Not knowing it’s based on lies
Even the god that we’re pursuing
Is rarely the God that truly Lives
Because any god that we can grasp
Has limits on what it gives
The God who seeks is ever giving
And from this giving emerges pleasure
We accept our need and God will give
That’s what keeps us all together
God’s Spirit pouring out
Gives our God the greatest joy
So every Word that ushers forth
Will never ever come back void
Even the slightest little whisper
God will seek with all abandon
Calling it back to its Wholly Source
Where no other creation can ever stand in
Once we’re found by Our Creator
We come to know what’s known by few
That the God who seeks is the God who finds
The God inside of you
Some of you might call this blasphemy
But not because of why you say
It’s really because a god who is not in you
Is a God you can keep away
Some of us wonder where God is hiding
We ask “Where can this God be?”
Not imagining that God’s invisibility
Comes from being too close to see
And thus we do so little seeking
So thank God we can be found
Just by choosing to get so very still
And trusting that God is all around

© Copyright 2015 Pedro S. Silva II

The Inauthentic self

The Authentic One has no self

There never is an “I”

Knowing there’s no such thing as Death

One never owns this lie

All One ever knows is Being

In fact One is the only Beer

The Source of every vision born of Truth

One can be the only Seer

The “I” that isn’t blind

Sees not what is before it

Dividing what’s One into separate selves

And then trying to restore it

It’s the oldest trick in the book of ego

Designed to make the “I” the savior

By creating dangers that do not exist

In an effort to control behavior

In an effort to be special

In an effort to be the best

In an effort to succeed no matter what the costs

And to rise above the rest

But take away the effort

And here is what you’ll find

All the doings that we thought were done

Do not exist outside the mind

I don’t know a way to tell you this

Without it sounding like a threat

To all that we’ve accomplished

Or the things we haven’t finished yet

But on the other side of what we think we do

There are worlds coming into being

Some of which are binding us

Others forever freeing

It’s a paradox of paradox

Quite impossible to prove it

Founded on the Yeshua principle

Those who gain their lives will lose it

I know that this sounds crazy

But here is something crazier still

Everything that’s keeping you from You

Isn’t even real

I know that you can feel this

You can sense that it’s the Truth

Because within you is the Godhead

So that there is no excuse

But this is something we’re denying

And there’s just a single reason why

If we accept the Truth of who we are

We can no longer be the “I”

And suddenly there’s no “them”

We’s the only life that’s True

Making all of “them” as innocent

As you are for what you do

Holy freakin’ moly

This kind of thinking will blow your mind

Until you no longer have one

That can operate in time

Then that’s when you will see It

From the eternal point of view

That the Mind of Christ that lives in Yesh

Is the only Mind of the Authentic You

© Copyright 2015 Pedro S. Silva II

The Mirror In the Man

I talked to the Man in the Mirror

Who led me to the Mirror in the Man

The thoughts that I reflect upon

That shape how I understand

He told me that to know him

I first had to let him be

To go back to his original state

Untethered and wholly free

Before he was a father

Before he was a son

Before he was just a survival tool

That state where he is One

His suggestion threatened my ego

I feared I would not exist

Without my mind to remind me of who I was

How could my ideas of me persist?

But he told me that all my big ideas

Led me further from the Truth

They were just stories I told myself

So that my so called life had proof

He said the Man in the Mirror

Is not really my reflection

That I was focusing all my power

On a mere ego projection

My mind shining through a filter

That casted only a shadow of myself

That I then looked at Creation through

Seeing shadows everywhere else

This was really hard to swallow

How could this really be?

How can I know who I really am

If my body isn’t me?

And what of other bodies?

If they’re not people, who are they?

And if I try to tell them this,

What will these other bodies say?

Maybe what they’re supposed to,

To ensure that they survive.

But if that is all that we can do

What is it that makes us come alive?

If we are not all these categories

And boxes people check

Are we really anything at all,

When further we reflect?

That’s really a scary thought

But one we have to entertain

If we ever are to know ourselves

As more than programs in our brain

In fact, the fear we feel around this

Is just another survival tool

Because the brain’s designed to not admit

When its programming has been fooled

Try it if you doubt it

Just try thinking something new

Say something that you don’t believe

And see what your brain will do

Synapses will start firing

Doing pattern reconstruction

Telling you what you already “know”

Just like the brain is supposed to function

It’s not easy to resist this

Even when higher knowledge has been revealed

We cannot do what we want to do

As long as the former pattern’s sealed

When I heard this, I couldn’t deny it

I had experienced the same

My brain was making all the rules

When I thought I controlled the game

This thought was so frustrating

The cognitive dissonance started hurting

Trying to hold these opposing thoughts

Was severely disconcerting

That’s when I remembered

Something in the Bible that I read

“Greater is He that’s in you.”

So I listened to “Him” instead

The “me” that is in the world

Started running out of time

As I began my transformation

Through the renewal of my mind

Paul said to die daily

Renewing body, mind, and all

Living from our heavenly body

That is aligned with our mind’s true call

But to do this we must surrender

We lose our lives when we try to save it

So the only Way to truly live

Is to return our lives to the One who gave it

This is the Mind that is in Christ

The Mind begotten but never born

According to the Original pattern

And not the ones to which the brain’s conformed

 

© Copyright 2015 Pedro S. Silva II

Life of Wonder

So how did I get this life?

This person that I be

I wonder if I’m happy

I wonder if I’m free

The reality is I can’t feel it

These things that people do

The stuff that makes them excited

I can’t tell if it is true

I see it and it makes me wonder

Is this the way that I should feel?

Am I full or am I empty?

I wonder which is real

It’s not like I just got here

I’ve been here all my life

But still I feel unseen out here

Like someone turned out all the lights

I’ve taught myself to participate

I can do the conversations

But sometimes it’s just like Groundhog Day

Repeating the exact same situations

What I want is something different

Almost impossible to describe

I don’t just want to make it here

My intention is to thrive

I’m not just living for my next fix

Like I’m fundamentally broken

I am emerging from the mouth of Wholeness Itself

The Word that never comes back void once it is spoken

That’s why I’m in wonder

Why do so many choose the lesser gift?

Choosing the package over the content

Is like getting high without the lift

While we think we’re going up

We’re really headed down

Heels over head, the world just flipped

Soon to crashland on the ground

And then again I wonder

Why can’t we see this on the way?

We’ve been warned this time was coming

Despite not knowing the actual day

But I guess that’s human nature

We always think that we’re immune

Somehow we believe we can be in harmony

While never seeking to be in tune

How did we come to believe this?

How did this become the norm?

And how did I get caught up too,

Despite my resistance to conform?

Is it because I gave it my energy

When people accused me of being aloof?

In my effort to resist what I called a lie

My actions denied the truth

Now expressing what I do not want

There’s no room for what I do

So I’m wondering how to transcend this trap

And once again, the truth pursue

© Copyright 2015 Pedro S. Silva II

There Are More Important Things

There are more important things

Than the ones that I am pondering

Thoughts that distract me from all that’s True

And lead my mind to wandering

There are more important things

Than what’s in and out of season

Than comparing myself to others

When there really is no reason

There are more important things

Than what I make up about tomorrow

Fearing a future that might not exist

Or repeating yesterday’s sorrow

There are more important things

Than achieving my desires

If getting what I think I want

Means in truth I yield to liars

There are more important things

Than getting someone to love me

If in doing so I lose myself

And put that one above me

There are more important things

Than living a life of pleasure

If at the end of it I’ve torn your soul

And can’t get it back together

There are more important things

Than what I call religion

If I only use it as a set of rules

Without seeking its deeper vision

There are more important things

Than being protected from what I fear

Since it seems that trying to run from it

Has only served to draw it near

There are more important things

Than me seeking after wins

Since the race isn’t always for the swift

Or for the one with fewer sins

There are more important things

Than always being right

Since almost everything is relative

When seen in a different light

Yes, there are more important things

But what they are I do not know

So I occupy myself with this vanity

Until I’m forced to let it go

 

 

 

Psychic Vacation

I’m going on psychic vacation

I’m out of the equation

The world can continue with all the drama

Minus my participation

I’m unplugging from the matrix

I hit CTRL ALT DELETE

I’m refusing to do the “copy and paste”

When there’s something more complete

I’m reformatting my hard drive

Since all my files are in the cloud

Hit download if you need me

But for now I’m bowing out

Don’t try to access the server

It’s been password protected

Don’t bother using the ones that used to work

Because they all will be rejected

Now how long will I be out here?

Well that’s really hard to say

It could be a minute or a lifetime

Or maybe just today

But as of Now you cannot reach me

Where I’m going you can’t go

Unless you too exit the system

And enter into Flow