Tag: Faith

Everything Always Forever

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NOTE: This piece was originally posted on my Substack where the majority of my writing lives right now.

Beginnings, Endings, and Beginning Again Again

Imagine if everything lasted forever.

Not just some things. Everything.

Imagine a reality where there was no death, no degradation, nothing that truly wore out or disappeared. Things might change form. They might appear and disappear from view. They might grow, contract, expand, transform, or reinvent themselves. But nothing would actually come to an end. And from a place of focused consciousness, you can “revisit” or “re-present” any point in an infinitude of moments.

How would we live in a world like that?

And what if I told you that I think we already live in a world like that? Could you imagine that?

Well for most of my life, I haven’t experienced time in quite the same way that many people have described it to me. What I experience is not a sequence of things that arise and then vanish, but an ongoing expression of something that is always here. Things appear new, but they never feel separate from what came before. Everything feels simultaneously ancient and freshly born.

I know that may be difficult to fathom.

Truthfully, I’ve often found it just as difficult to understand why so many people experience reality primarily through the lens of the fear of endings. Perhaps it has something to do with what the writer of Hebrews was pointing toward when he suggested that humanity remains in bondage because of the fear of death (Hebrews 2:14-15). If you’ve read my work before, you’ve probably encountered my references to Ernest Becker and his exploration of death denial. Becker argued that much of human behavior is organized around avoiding our awareness of mortality. Later thinkers expanded that idea into what is now called Terror Management Theory.

But I don’t really want to revisit all of that today. What I want to talk about is time. Or perhaps more accurately, I want to talk about the possibility that time is not what we think it is. The closest analogy I can find is an infinitely foldable sheet of paper.

Every Single Thing Is Folding In On Everything Else

Imagine taking a single sheet of paper infinite in size and dimensions and folding it over itself again and again, like an accordion. Peaks touch troughs. Distant points suddenly become neighbors. What appears separated from one perspective becomes intimately connected from another. Each fold becomes a moment. Each peak or valley appears isolated when viewed from inside the fold. Yet every fold belongs to the same sheet. Every moment belongs to the same reality.

The moment we are focused upon becomes the center of our experience, but that doesn’t make it separate from everything else. That may not be the perfect metaphor, but it comes close to describing how I experience life.

There are moments when I experience myself as an infant again—not remembering myself as an infant, but somehow inhabiting that perspective. Other moments, I am elderly. Sometimes I am standing in the imagination of my own deathbed. Then I am young again.

The continuity we call “my life” often feels less like a linear progression and more like a temporary arrangement of attention. It’s as though consciousness is constantly moving its spotlight. When the spotlight rests somewhere, that becomes “now.” When it moves, another now appears.

The Twists and Turns Are the Point

If the paper description You stand in line knowing the ride is safe. You watch other people get on and off. Intellectually, you understand that you’re fine.

Then the ride begins.

The drops come.

The loops come.

The twists come.

And for a few moments, you forget.

You feel fear, excitement, anticipation, wonder. Then the ride ends, and almost immediately most people want to get back in line. Why? Because the feelings were the point. And, I can’t help but trust that life works much the same way.

We create countless experiences, relationships, identities, conflicts, triumphs, losses, and reunions. We generate the appearance of distance from ourselves, from one another, and perhaps even from God. But all of it serves the experience.

All of it belongs to the same ride.

All of it belongs to the same infinite sheet–or maybe I should call it a field like so many others have. But, I like the idea of a sheet of paper because we can also inscribe upon it whatever experience we desire.

When we focus narrowly, we experience isolated moments. When we widen our awareness, we see that everything is touching everything else.

It is like standing in a valley versus standing on a mountaintop. From the valley, your vision is limited. You can only see what appears immediately around you. From the mountaintop, you see the entire landscape at once. Nothing changed except your perspective. The landscape was always there.

The God’s Eye View

In some corners of physics, we say that frequency and time have an inverse relationship. I learned this when I was a satellite communication technician. The faster the frequency, the shorter the interval. Push that principle far enough and you approach something like timelessness. That’s a reality in which everything exists simultaneously. It’s basically the way C.S. Lewis describes what he imagined to be God’s perspective of reality. He also liked the paper analogy by the way.

So, before you freak out that I might be suggesting that I see the world from God’s perspective, consider a couple of things. One, C.S. Lewis described what he believed was God’s perspective from the vantage point of C. S. Lewis’ very own perspective. So, at worst, I am doing the same thing. But the second thing anyone who has a problem with me talking like this should ask is, whose perspective would the person disturbed by my description be evaluating it from? Their idea of God’s perspective? Their own?

Do you see where I am going with all of this. All perspectives exist everywhere all the time right now and we all have access to them all if we so choose to look at it all from an elevated view.

Nothing is emerging. Nothing is arriving. Nothing is becoming. Everything simply always is forever now. You know it. I know it. We are it. But, when we are on the self chosen roller coaster we forget so that we can enjoy everything the ride has to offer.

That is why life seems to oscillate between forgetting and remembering. Forgetting and remembering. Forgetting and remembering. It is like inhaling and exhaling. Each breath not only feels new, it is new. And, yet every breath belongs to the same life. In the same way, each life feels separate, yet perhaps every life belongs to the same to the One Life of which we are all expressions.

All Is Revealed Outside of Time

This morning, I wrote a song called Too Good, Too True. Or perhaps it would be more accurate to say that I picked the song just like one picks a ripe piece of fruit. The song arrived almost instantly because the words have always existed. My role wasn’t to invent them so much as to become present enough to hear them and willing enough to share them. That may sound strange, but I suspect every artist, inventor, scientist, and dreamer knows something about this experience.

If you’ve seen the new Michael Jackson biopic, you know that Michael expressed something similar when he said that he had to be available to receive a song or God was going to give the song to Prince.

The song was there. I simply tuned into it. The same is true of every creation.

Every song.

Every poem.

Every invention.

Every painting.

Every possibility.

Everything that has existed, will exist, or could have existed already resides within the infinite field of what is. From this way of experiencing life, Creation may be less about manufacturing something new and more about entering into relationship with something waiting to be chosen.

That reminds me of a story often told about Michael Jackson. During the making of the film Michael, he joked that if he didn’t receive a song, it might go to Prince instead.

I resonated with the frequency of Too Good, Too True, from a place of appreciation. My youngest daughter and I had just gone to see the Masters of the Universe movie–another nostalgia inducing flick like the MJ movie that aligned me with my child expression. The fold of what we could call the past and the present touched and I could see the whole landscape of this life as Pedro Senhorinha Silva and how all of it was working together for me to experience the joys of my relationships with my wife and kids. And when I connected to that, I thought about how many lives I would be willing to live to experience little moments with my family. And the answer is infinite lives.

The song speaks from the perspective of a love that can never actually lose what it loves. A love that creates distance only so reunion can occur. A love that asks, “Do you love me too?” even while already knowing the answer. A love that returns ten thousand times because there was never anywhere else to go.

When I wrote:

“Even if it takes me ten thousand lives,
I’ll keep coming back for you…”

I am not just talking about romantic love.

I am talking about every relationship.

I am talking about humanity and God.

I am talking about self and Self.

I am talking about enemies who eventually become friends.

I am talking about the universe continually rediscovering itself through every form it takes.

That’s why I ended the song with:

“So know that what’s loved
Never comes to an end.
Lovers, enemies, friends,
Then begin again.”

Maybe that is what all of this is. A beginning that never ends. An ending that never quite finishes. What some have described as an infinite game of hide-and-seek in which the seeker and the sought are the same being. We create time so that reunion can happen. We create distance so that closeness can be felt. We create forgetting so that remembering can be ecstatic. And every once in a while, through a song, a conversation, a sunrise, a heartbreak, or a moment of stillness, we catch a glimpse of what has been true all along.

There is no ultimate separation. There never was. There is only the endless joy of finding one another again.

Everything.

Always.

Forever.

Too Good, Too True

Even if it takes me 10,000 lives

I’ll keep coming back for you

Mmm hmmm

Try and fail 10,000 times

I will just keep asking you

Do you love me too?

Though I know you do

Too Good too True

Even though there’s no space between

I create distance so I can dream

Of finding you

And reminding you

That you are mine

And I belong to you

This song’s for you

This universe is too

I can’t lie to you

Even though we’re always here

I push you away to draw you near

Love casts out fear

Separation disappears

Now it’s clear

Shed no more tears

Even if it takes me 10,000 lives

I’ll keep coming back for you

Mmm hmmm

Try and fail 10,000 times

I will just keep asking you

Do you love me too?

Though I know you do

Too Good too True

Forgive me if I’ve gone too far

I always know where you are

Like the brightest star

You’re never not in view

Only eyes for you

Can you see me too?

I need you to

Can you see now that

You are my heart

It beats for you

I breathe for you

I see through you

No me, no you

Know me, know you

This is what we do

Even if it takes me 10,000 lives

I’ll keep coming back for you

Mmm hmmm

Try and fail 10,000 times

I will just keep asking you

Do you love me too?

Though I know you do

Too Good too True

Even if it takes me 10,000 lives

I’ll keep coming back for you

Mmm hmmm

Try and fail 10,000 times

I will just keep asking you

Do you love me too?

Though I know you do

Too Good too True

So know that what’s loved

Never comes to an end

Lovers, enemies, friends

Then begin again

There is no sin

When you aim to win

Even if it takes me 10,000 lives

I’ll keep coming back for you

Mmm hmmm

Try and fail 10,000 times

I will just keep asking you

Do you love me too?

Though I know you do

Too Good too True

I found you again

Too Good Too True

Deafening Silence

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This is an invitation to look at everything around us as consciousness trying to emerge through us so that we can accelerate our relational evolution. I cannot pretend like that there is not a loving force that is working through the best and worst in each of us to wake us up so we can see both the forest and the trees and neither the forest or the trees. I’m not suggesting that I am fully awake all of the time. But my alarm clock is hella loud and goes off pretty frequently. And when I am awake, I see that we are often only seeing one side of the tip of the iceberg, when there is a whole other side as well as everything underneath and the ocean within which the iceberg floats, and the land that contains the oceans and so much more. All this to say, none of us gets all of everything about anything. And this is why we need to break through after this breakdown. Not all of us. But some of us have to take the hits and not hit back unless it forwards individual and collective liberation. In that case get to smacking. But only smack (figuratively) in love.

Deafening Silence
___________________

Silence is not violence.

These words just rhyme

Violence is violence 

And we see it all the time

Some of us say nothing 

For a whole lot of reasons

Some because we’re cowards 

Some because our words are out of season

And there’s a whole other reason

For our unspoken ploys 

When everyone is screaming 

We choose not to add to the noise

Instead we align with true peace

Working from the inside out

So that a single sentence can break through

The din of 10 million shouts

It’s a strategy too uncommon

But often the only one that works

Because the source of all the turmoil 

Is often a battle of hurts versus hurts

Hurt People hurt people

Healed people heal

So the best we can do for all of us

Is to master how we feel

Controlled by our emotions

The good we mean to do’s distorted 

Our goal is to bring about a better world

But our methods are contorted

Pain cannot undo one’s pain

Though it may keep it at bay

But this is only temporary

The pendulum will always swing the other way

And when it does, there will be a backlash

This is always the way it goes

Like peaks and troughs in an ocean

This is just the way it flows

It will be no other way

No matter how hard we try

Because just like if you try to push a wave

You efforts will always be denied

But do not be discouraged

Just pay attention to the patterns

In time you will be able to anticipate

The unfolding of all that matters

And once you see it, you can’t unsee it

The only response is to surrender

Accept your best was never good enough

So that a better way can enter

A Way that that acts from Stillness

That speaks from the cataclysmic Sound of Silence

The Undoing that undoes all that humans contrived

Until there is no such thing as violence

© Copyright 2025 Pedro Senhorinha Silva

Am I Confessing?

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If I worry when I don’t have to,
What does it really say
About how much it is I trust in You?
Are my words empty when I pray?

If I’m jealous of another
Is it a denial of Your Creation?
If I want what was never meant for me,
Have I led me into temptation?

If I refuse to forgive my neighbor
Who slapped me on my cheek
Have I forgotten I’m eternally safe in You
Whose strength’s revealed when I am weak?

If I try to get attention
That was really meant for You
By pretending I know the answers
Do I make a lie of what is true?

If I worship at the altar
Of things that are bought and sold
Have a made a sham of what Freedom truly is
For a little piece of false control?

If I don’t see me as You see me
Do I make the whole world blind
By denying what’s in all of us
And impressing limits on Your Mind?

If I refuse to receive redemption
Without the words to understand
Simply because I can’t explain it to other folks
Do I let go of Your Hand?

If I’m attached to what will never last
Am I missing Your biggest lessons?
If these thoughts are really on my mind
Are my questions my confessions?

Image by I.am_nah

Miss You While You’re Here

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Lately I’ve been thinking about
All the moments that we missed
When we’re younger we think we have plenty of time
And don’t think about stuff like this

We put so much off until later
But what if later never comes?
All tomorrows repeats of yesterdays
The future setting like the sun

I’m not ready yet to miss you
When I know that you’re right here
There’s so much I wanted to give you
Before my chances disappeared

Now it hurts that we talk almost everyday
And yet we never talk at all
Or that I battle with all these tempting thoughts
Not to answer when you call

Of course I want to be here for you
But it seems this is always where we’ve been
You telling me about how hard it is
While I listen on the other end

I look back and feel like a failure
I wish I could’ve spared you from some pain
But the best I can do is be a witness
And pray for something else to change

I still have hope that you’ll get better
That perfect love will cast out fear
But for now I’ll be grateful for what we have
Because I don’t want to miss you while you’re here
© Copyright 2020 Pedro S. Silva II

I wrote this poem as I started to think about how many conversations I have with my mom are about how to make it from month to month. We talk everyday. Sometimes multiple times a day. But rarely are our conversations about thing that I would like us to talk about. Because of all of the stress over the past few years, there has been a strain on the relationship. I’ll be honest and say that often I am acting like I am her parent rather than the other way around. I want her to be safe and make decisions for her well-being. I know how hard she tried to be whatever and whoever she felt she needed to be to make sure we survived growing up. That took a toll on her. And I know that she had huge dreams–most of which never got fulfilled. This is a wound in her heart.

She always told me that she wanted to leave my brothers and I with a legacy. What she meant was money. That hasn’t happened and it saddens her. She apologizes for not being in a better financial situation and asks me to believe in her that she can still pull it off. I want to believe, but… And now that I am witnessing her forgetting so much and yet still holding out hope for a miracle or for her “ship to come in” as she says, I feel a twinge of regret.  I ask myself, “If I knew we were going to end up here anyway, what would I have done differently?”

At first, I told myself I would’ve stayed in the military so that I would have my retirement right now and I could be working another job to provide for her. But then I look at my wife and kids and know that I had to take the course I did.  I then think that I should’ve chosen a more lucrative profession than being a pastor. But then, I was having a conversation with a guest at the church who is experiencing homelessness and watching members of the congregation–to include children–serving food and sitting with our homeless neighbors and I thought, “I am glad to be in this moment.” And then I thought, well maybe I was called to be a pastor for a season, but now that my mom needs me, I need to move on and do something else because my responsibilities demand it. And then I prayed and I felt the spirit moving me to be honest about how hard this is and to tell my friends. And so I did. And they stepped in and blessed my family and gave me room to breathe so I could figure out how to make the next best move for my mom. They showed me the truth of the teaching that says, “[God’s] strength is made perfect in our weakness.”

And so then in that space, I asked God what I could do differently for my mom. And in my soul’s language I heard, “Don’t miss her while she is still here. Because that’s what you’ve been doing. If you want to have different conversations with her, change the subject. Talk about the things that you wish you could talk to her about. If she misses it and repeats something else she just said, tell her you love her. Tell her your dreams and maybe she’ll get joy in knowing that she is a part of them. Have an unreasonable belief in miracles because you never know what might happen. And don’t forget, you are not in this alone.”

So if you are reading this, what my soul spoke into my life, I speak into yours. There are so many things in life that can distract us from the moments we are in–something to tempt us to forget that there is always the possibility of great beauty around the corner. In my weakness, I found strength in hitting my limits and reaching out. My hope is that in sharing what I am learning, it is blessing you all too.

With true love,

Pedro

I Always Feel Like Crying

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I always feel like crying
But it doesn’t mean I’m sad
It means I’m paying attention
To the issues that we have

In my soul I see a vision
Oneness is our Way
But in my body I feel division
As I watch morality decay

I have prayed and prayed for comfort
But it seems it’s nowhere near
Until I accept that I can’t save this world
And release my brokenness with tears

I wish that I was stronger
But my weakness keeps me humble
I would love to never make mistakes
But I was put on earth to stumble

I see heaven’s door wide open
I call on all I see to enter
But I’m afraid that if I go in first
I’ll forget what I remember

I know that’s backward logic
But they say the first’s the last
So when I came here from the future
It was to finish off my past

I hope that I’m not losing you
By speaking in ways that are not clear
I just had to get this off my chest
In case I’m drowned out by my tears

© Copyright 2020 Pedro S. Silva II

 

Waking Up to You

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Waking up to You is the why of my life
You are the Dream that stops my dreaming
You tell the Story of what many fear to know
And give every Word its truest meaning

You call to me to my deepest Self
By the Name only You can give
Whispering in so loud a voice
That gives the dead the choice to Live

Many of us say we know You
But Love says that that’s not true
Whenever we say You dwell in us
But can’t see our neighbor inside of You

Or when we make the least important things
The sandy ground of our foundations
Forsaking the Rock upon which You’ve built for us
The most enduring of habitations

We’re distracted by the attraction
Of getting more by giving less
We measure others by the scale of our selfishness
Then give ourselves credit when we confess

But despite all of this You love us
And that never shall decrease
Even when we deny Your Presence
By not seeing you in our least

And that’s the refining fire
You love us everywhere we go
Even when we use Your Name to tell our lies
And act like You don’t know

You are definitely some kind of amazing
I hope my soul can reach your standard
I give up my story that keeps me up at night
To awaken to Yours that’s so much grander.

© Copyright 2020 Pedro S. Silva II

Becoming My Father Figure

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In a moment of self-reflection
I determined something sad
Perhaps I will never have a child
Until I become the father I never had

As a kid I’d approach different men
And ask if they had a son
If the answer they gave was ever “no”
I’d ask if I could be there one

Little boys need their fathers
I am a testament to that
I have spent my whole life chasing mine
And being how I thought he should act

I watched the rest of the “single mother crew”
Trying to find acceptance among our clan
But I didn’t want to be raised by kids
So I continued to pursue the Man

I had a grandpa who died when I was four
I had an uncle who was pretty cool
A guy named Chico who my mom once loved
And a couple of teachers from my school

They all had an impact on me
But it still was not enough
And though I still saw my real dad from time to time
I still needed a father’s love

So in every man I met
I looked for the best part I could find
I knew that all of them couldn’t make one dad
But part of them could be mine

So I guess you could say I’m blessed
That’s why I still pray for all my niggas
All of us who deep inside
Are still looking for our father figure

© Copyright 2019 Pedro S. Silva II

I wrote this poem almost 20 years ago—before I had my kids obviously. I came across it when looking for something in the garage. It was in a cardboard box next to my high school year book. For a moment I hesitated looking at them both. But lately, I have been thinking a lot about the presence of my father’s absence. You read that right—the presence of my father’s absence.

It is strange how we can feel someone’s distance. I felt my dad’s. Every time I found myself in a situation where I felt like I needed a dad, I could feel that my dad wasn’t there. And I imagine, that a lot of other boys in my situation felt that way too. And as men, I bet a lot of us still wrestle with that presence of absence.

Now that I have my own children, I cannot imagine intentionally being out of their lives. Still, I don’t blame my dad for not being able to be who I thought I needed. One reason I don’t blame him is because I know that I can’t judge him. First of all, what good would it do? Second of all, he must have been carrying something very painful to not have the capacity for fatherhood in the conventional sense.

To make up for the absence, I allowed the space to be filled with God and the Frankenstein father I created from the pieces I picked up–and am still picking up–along the way.

As I reflected on this and on who I experience myself as now, I like to think that everything that happened was perfect. And yet, I can’t help but wonder about those other people in my position who were never able to fill that absence—people who to this day long for what we’d hoped for in a father figure. I wonder and I pray that they become who they have always been looking for.

Stillness Speaks

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Out of the stillness emerges the Voice that calls us each by our true name

And every name is Beloved

Mistaken identities are replaced

Forgotten callings are restored

The darkness that hinders light is broken through

And what is revealed makes all things new

Peace has always reigned

On the surface waves are crashing, but they are held up by still waters.

© Copyright 2018 Pedro S. Silva II

The Soul You Rob Is Your Own

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Eyes filled with tears

Heart so full

Can’t say it’s spilled milk

Seeing all this bull

Everywhere soul robbers

Work to dig our graves

Offer carrot stick freedom

Keep us unseen slaves

Two faced leaders

Both mouths lie

Stick those needles

In the public eye

So we see nothing

But we don’t know why

Place our hopes in the illusion

They are on our side

But what I see lately

Merely comes to this

In a win-lose world

Someone will be missed

And in a rank based system

You know who it’ll be

Those who don’t pass muster

And those who look like me

But my tears aren’t for pity

For those who play that role

It’s for those who kill worlds

Trying to find their souls

Because in the grand scheme of things

Nothing’s here for the keeping

This is a seed planting realm

So we can live our own reapings

Forever!

© Copyright 2018 Pedro S. Silva II

 

 

 

 

How Close is God?

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Like there’s a tree in the seed
There is God within me

The Unseen is clearly seen
When the love of Christ has set us free

Just as the drops that make the Ocean
Are full of all the Ocean is

So when we pour out who we are
We are receiving what we give

There is nowhere God is not
To include the reflection that we see

Closer than we could ever imagine
In every breath we ever breathe

© Copyright 2018 Pedro S. Silva II