I hide Myself
From Myself
To protect Myself
From Myself
Because when the fear comes
From Myself
I try to pretend
As if there’s someone else
Who wants to steal
From Myself
So I hide Myself
In the one place I’d never look
Within
Photo by De an Sun
Category: Expression
What Do You Mean By “What Do I Mean?“
I really don’t get it
When liars get mad at being lied to
Bending truth like a pretzel
But cry “foul” when others tried too
I’m totally confused
By cheaters who hate a cheater
Their tragedy is a comedy
All of the drama but no theater
I have no time for manipulators
Who hate being controlled
I’m past your passive aggression
You can’t imagine the heavy toll
And polite people are perplexing
I’d rather be kind than nice
Don’t tell me what you think I want to hear
Because in time there is a price
And the “Holier than thou”,
Who are you trying to convince?
God sees your thoughts and so do I
So you can cut it with pretense
And I can’t forget emotional martyrs
Who find joy every time they suffer
Feeling good is like a full assault
From which they always have a buffer
Then there’s the guilty for feeling guilty
The ashamed of feeling shame
The people who say “I’m bored” so much
You’d think it was their name
There’re those who give advice
They never seem to take
And the ones who always “keep it real”
By being really fake
Every kind of reactive being
Whose heads are such a mess
But act like they have the whole thing down
But when confronted won’t confess
I can’t tell if they’re pretending
Or if they know not what they do
All I know is if I’m “too direct”
They say “Something‘s wrong with you”
If I say exactly what I mean
They ask “What do you mean by that?”
If I actually answer what they have asked
They say, “You’re too serious with all your facts.”
If I have no opinion on certain things
Because I have never explored them
They proclaim “experience-less expertise”
But are offended if I ignore them
They get angry if I talk calmly
Saying, “You don’t have any feelings.”
Little things can throw them off
They want my thoughts while they’re concealing
They are killers afraid of dying
Committing murder with their mouths
Always seeking clemency
But won’t give benefit of the doubt
And yet, I’m the one they call divergent
Because I’m slow to pick up norms
Discovering life as it shows up
Instead of aiming to conform
It’s enough to make me crazy
But I’m not trying to be neurotic
I refuse to believe it’s normalcy
To use emotions like narcotics
However this is what I witness
In the way that folks react
Feeling their way through unseen worlds
Then crashing like trains that go off track
But when confronted about their behavior
They cry and say, “I didn’t mean it.”
It’s like having your cake and eating it too
Now isn’t that convenient?
Am I Confessing?
If I worry when I don’t have to,
What does it really say
About how much it is I trust in You?
Are my words empty when I pray?
If I’m jealous of another
Is it a denial of Your Creation?
If I want what was never meant for me,
Have I led me into temptation?
If I refuse to forgive my neighbor
Who slapped me on my cheek
Have I forgotten I’m eternally safe in You
Whose strength’s revealed when I am weak?
If I try to get attention
That was really meant for You
By pretending I know the answers
Do I make a lie of what is true?
If I worship at the altar
Of things that are bought and sold
Have a made a sham of what Freedom truly is
For a little piece of false control?
If I don’t see me as You see me
Do I make the whole world blind
By denying what’s in all of us
And impressing limits on Your Mind?
If I refuse to receive redemption
Without the words to understand
Simply because I can’t explain it to other folks
Do I let go of Your Hand?
If I’m attached to what will never last
Am I missing Your biggest lessons?
If these thoughts are really on my mind
Are my questions my confessions?
Image by I.am_nah
The Call of the Coyotes
I hear your call on my morning walk
In my soul you sound like me
Expressing not entertaining
Giving voice to what makes you free
You are a child of Nature
Living here before we came
Domesticating wildness
While our own tongues we cannot tame
Whenever I hear you calling,
I wonder what you say
Is yelping in the darkness
The Way Coyotes pray?
Well if it is I’m part Coyote
I also call to the One Who Hears
I may not speak Coyote Language
But I’m blessed with Coyote ears.
©️ Copyright 2021 Pedro S. Silva II
More poetry at https://itsallinme.com/
Freestyle Vision Statement
It’s All too big
For us to be this small
We got to push out fear
So we can hear Love’s call
I will keep building bridges
To overcome your walls
Undivide your divisions
Till we’re all in All
I don’t care if you don’t like me
What you may think unsightly,
I can never let it fright me
It might be…
Let me make a new decision
Undo everything I’ve learned
With Mysterious’ precision
Lose my vision
Makes me the opposite of blind
Eternally forgiving
Means never running out of time
I shine…
When I come out of the dark
“It is finished.”
From the moment that you start.
©️ Copyright 2021 Pedro S. Silva II
A Friend In Need
They say a friend in need is a friend indeed
Or is it a friend in deed
Meaning a friend is one who acts as one
When another friend’s in need
Or maybe it’s the former one
We’re friends when we’re in want
But otherwise we give no others thought
Just to make it blunt
But perhaps it is more gray than that
Which makes it difficult to name
Because where self-sufficiency is idolized
To be in need is to be shamed
It’s really hard to put my finger on
As I examine my condition
When I’m aware enough to know I should ask for help
But won’t fully give myself permission
On one side, it’s because I don’t want help
I have learned so much from all my failing
But on the other side, I know that there’s sufficient grace
For those of us prone to self-assailing
Furthermore when I’m on the giving end
I always do what I can do
But when I’m on the receiving end
I do my best to just push through
But presently I am torn
This uphill battle seems unending
I could keep on trying to handle this
But in reality I’m pretending
I’ve always been good at holding burdens
But now my burdens are holding me
As I consider that I’m just a request away
From a space that feels more free
Well, if anything, there’s a lesson
These constraints I feel won’t last
And it matters little if I hear “yes” or “no”
Things will get better because I asked
© Copyright 2020 Pedro S. Silva II
I wrote this poem after wrestling with my thoughts about whether or not I should share a fundraiser I created for my mother to help ease some of the financial impact of her pending move. This season has been really tender for me for a lot of reasons. Besides watching my mother succumb to the effects of a lifetime of stress and anxiety, trying to keep this pressure to myself has taken its toll on me and my family, both emotionally and financially. But it’s not all bad. This also has been a very creative season for me as I’ve tried to make sense of my own anxieties in light of my faith that when we are open, there is a solution to every concern. I’ve written poems that I never would’ve been able to write were I not translating, what at times felt like, overwhelming emotion. I completed a rap that I’m really proud of despite the fact that it has not yet brought in any of the money I’d naively thought it would. And in my social justice and community building work, knowing that I am personally impacted by so much of the challenges that we’re trying to ameliorate, has shaped my preaching and public speaking in a way that perhaps it would not if my family was more shielded. And finally, by putting this out here, I feel that it is on the path of healing the ill effects of the negative type of pride. And so here we are.
Waking Up to You
Waking up to You is the why of my life
You are the Dream that stops my dreaming
You tell the Story of what many fear to know
And give every Word its truest meaning
You call to me to my deepest Self
By the Name only You can give
Whispering in so loud a voice
That gives the dead the choice to Live
Many of us say we know You
But Love says that that’s not true
Whenever we say You dwell in us
But can’t see our neighbor inside of You
Or when we make the least important things
The sandy ground of our foundations
Forsaking the Rock upon which You’ve built for us
The most enduring of habitations
We’re distracted by the attraction
Of getting more by giving less
We measure others by the scale of our selfishness
Then give ourselves credit when we confess
But despite all of this You love us
And that never shall decrease
Even when we deny Your Presence
By not seeing you in our least
And that’s the refining fire
You love us everywhere we go
Even when we use Your Name to tell our lies
And act like You don’t know
You are definitely some kind of amazing
I hope my soul can reach your standard
I give up my story that keeps me up at night
To awaken to Yours that’s so much grander.
© Copyright 2020 Pedro S. Silva II
Me
Emerging from Nowhere
Participating in everything
Desiring Nothing
I walk Alone
With everyone
Maker in the Middle
In the center of all things
Is the One Who is All
From the infinitely large
To the infinitely small
Nowhere not the center
Even that which you call edge
Split the atom and there is fullness
There’s no space that you can hedge
There is no private matter
As far as matter is concerned
In fact matter doesn’t matter
Once it’s spiritually discerned
Reality is Oneness
This thought called two has never been
It’s the illusion of separation
Denying the truth of what’s within
We live, move, and have our being
In the One Place all things Be
Once we receive the “I” that sees this
There’s nothing ever more to see
© Copyright 2018 Pedro S. Silva II
The Soul You Rob Is Your Own
Eyes filled with tears
Heart so full
Can’t say it’s spilled milk
Seeing all this bull
Everywhere soul robbers
Work to dig our graves
Offer carrot stick freedom
Keep us unseen slaves
Two faced leaders
Both mouths lie
Stick those needles
In the public eye
So we see nothing
But we don’t know why
Place our hopes in the illusion
They are on our side
But what I see lately
Merely comes to this
In a win-lose world
Someone will be missed
And in a rank based system
You know who it’ll be
Those who don’t pass muster
And those who look like me
But my tears aren’t for pity
For those who play that role
It’s for those who kill worlds
Trying to find their souls
Because in the grand scheme of things
Nothing’s here for the keeping
This is a seed planting realm
So we can live our own reapings
Forever!
© Copyright 2018 Pedro S. Silva II
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