Apology to The Mother

I used to come out here and listen to your wisdom.
The incarnation of flow
You reminded me that I am not my own Source
All that passes through our bodies derives from something Greater than ourselves
You weren’t just the singer
You were sung
And when I listened to you and your Way,
I wanted to be sung as well
Stillness in Motion
Your moves were not your own
Moved by the Unmoved Mover
You carried those who rested upon you with borrowed Strength
And this is how we thank you
You chose us because you knew the joy of being chosen
But, we didn’t choose you back because we thought we were entitled
And now, like the One who learned from your mistakes,
You’ve been poured out for us
So now when I look at you, I know what it looks like to be cutoff from the Source.
Reckless realities collide
Who will mourn for you if you die
When we realize that it’s all of our funerals too?
I know thoughts and prayers are pointless
But I do it anyway
Because sometimes lying to ourselves is all some of us have left
But, what I’m really trying to say is that I’m sorry for my part in all of this
And if there’s a chance that my tears will bring you back to life,
I’m prepared to cry rivers
Perhaps that’s why I’ve held back this long.

© Copyright 2022 Pedro S. Silva II

A Resurrection Story

We cried with you
We died with you 
It's when I go high with you
That I get you. (Romans 6:8)
Buried deep in my consciousness
The lie’s exposed
You are not where they say you are. (Acts 17:24)
You’re with the least of those. (Matthew 25:40)
You’re not trapped by religion
You want our eyes to see clearly
I will only know your heart
If I bring my enemies near me. (Matthew 5:44)
“They’re lying to you”
That’s what you say in a whisper.
“That’s why I told the Truths
To the Prodigal Sister” (John 4:1-26)
“So, close your eyes and you’ll find me.”
“See what’s ahead by rewinding.”
“I came for Re-minding
That it’s all in the TIMING.” (Ephesians 1:7-10)
“What I bring,
Is whatever’s always PRESENT.”
“But the moment that you’re ‘born’,
Is the moment you forget it.” (James 1:22-25)
“Yet, I can’t let it
Be the end of the story.”
“That’s why every time you need me,
I will die for your GLORY.”
“The REAL story
Is that we have always been.”
“But, I’m the only One who died.”
“So we can forever RISE AGAIN.” (Colossians 1:18)
“When I win when,
There’s no loss that ever happened.”
“Eternity ABIDES
DISSOLVING the time that you’re trapped in.” (Psalm 90)
“Just keep asking
Until you see through the Illusion.”
“When Creator’s All in ALL 
THERE’S NO EXCLUSION IN INCLUSION.” (1 Corinthians 15:27-28)
“THEY’RE LYING TO YOU.”
This time You say it in a scream.
So now I can’t go back to sleep
Once I was awakened in the DREAM. (1 Thessalonians 5:6-10)
“I’m dying to you.”
“So you can reflect on my rejection.
“But in your fear of getting hurt,
You project for your protection.”
“I see you’re missing the connection.
So here’s the deal.
Death is a lie.
But, the RESURRECTION’S REAL.” (Acts 24:10-16)
“And, I know how you feel.
It’s somewhat disconcerting.
To keep your eye on the prize
When your inner me’s hurting.”
“But, I know this for certain
The pain is temporary.
While the JOY LASTS FOREVER. 
If you just let the Truth carry. (Romans 8:18)
And it’s no longer scary
Once your heart’s consumed
By RESURRECTION’S REVELATION
That YOU’RE THE OPEN TOMB (1 Peter 1:10-12)

©️ Copyright 2021 Pedro S. Silva II

This is only the second time in my life that I can remember not going to a church service on Easter and the only time in 10 years that I wasn’t part of leading a worship service. When I woke up automatically before sunrise and started talking to Yeshua, (I think I might stop saying Jesus so much. At least in my inner dialogue.) I asked the question, “What is something new I could learn about the Resurrection?” What came into my heart immediately was, “You all are meant to see yourselves as the Empty Tomb.” My eyes started to tingle and glisten as I let that awareness sink into my heart. I then asked myself why we don’t think of ourselves that way. The above poem was the answer that came to me. I hope it blesses you as it blessed me.

Photo by Bruno van der Kraan on Unsplash

The Burden

“How on earth are you hoping right now?”
I really want to quit.
No more coping right now?
My demons got demons.
No more glowing light now.
I have become my own shadow.
Whys consuming my how.
We’ve all heard the stories
Of who we’re supposed to be
But I wrote my own story
When yours was opposed to me
Became a default leader
They’re drawing close to me
Now my failures are their failures
Supposedly.
When I’m not “myself”,
No one knows it me.
Hiding in plain sight
Until you let go of me.
This is the burden
That none of us has asked for
But if one falls from grace
We’re all put on blast for
They say we credit our race
Or we bring them down
Then when “I’m” not there
I am finally found

©️ Copyright 2021 Pedro S. Silva II

Almost every Black person I know who has grown up in America knows what it’s like to feel the existential burden placed upon us that says, “You represent your entire race.” I remember getting in a conversation with a military buddy who happens to be White about this a couple of decades ago. He was honest enough to admit that he had observed this too. And being a straight forward man and not very politically correct, he indignantly said, “Dang man that’s messed up. It’s not like I have to think about how every serial killer makes me look. And you know most of the serial killers are some crazy White guy.”

Because we are good friends, we could have an irreverent laugh about the absurdity of it all. And in the context of our friendship, he and I have dismantled most of that systemic garbage so that it isn’t between us. But, at the same time, things like what went down between Will Smith and Chris Rock shows that the larger culture is still entangled in this tendency to place the burden of all of us on everyone of us. Even many of us Black folks are wrestling with this, calling the incident “Black on Black” crime, because we have been enculturated into this mindset and don’t think of questioning the culture that create such misnomers and agreeing that what happened puts Black people back instead of just the person who made the decision.

As someone who has wrestled with this burden most of my own life, while always questioning its validity ever since a teacher told me I was a “credit to my race”, I can say this is unfair and needs to be deconstructed. When my teacher said it to me, I let him know that I didn’t take it as a compliment even though I knew that was how he meant it. It hurt his feelings. But not as much as him essentially saying to me, “Your race is so messed up, they are lucky to have you.”

If you are someone who doesn’t have the social obligation to represent your entire community to the world, I invite you to meditate on that for a moment. What does it feel like to think that the next thing some one from your group does that is unwelcomed reflects on you directly? Imagine someone coming up to you at your job and asking you, why someone did something as if you all have some kind of group telepathy. That’s what a large segment of society is asking of us everyday. So, if you want to lighten that burden, don’t participate in this tendency. Be part of a better way. Get to know people as individuals. Listen to and share personal stories from folks who differ from you. And don’t rely on biases to determine your relational capacity.

If you’re looking for opportunities to relate beyond biases, check out events such as America Talks and the National Week of Conversation.

Thanks to @anas_alhajj_ for making the cover photo available freely on @unsplash

When Time Touches Eternity

Today would’ve been my grandmother’s 97th birthday. The poem at the bottom was written for her funeral after I asked, “Grandma, what are you feeling right now?”

The Roofless Church

C.S. Lewis said that “The present is that point when time touches eternity.” He also said, “There is no other day. All days are present now. This moment contains all moments.” I think about this often when I feel tempted to go either too far into imagining illusory possible future scenarios or trying to makes sense out of something that has seemed to have happened in the clouded so called past.

If you are one that pays attention to innuendo then you probably noticed that I used the words “illusory” when talking about the future and “clouded” when talking about the past. To be direct, I used those words because I consider them both suspect. Think about it. Where do most anxieties come from? Answer: Projections of an illusory future or interpretations of a clouded past. This is unarguable. Though I am sure that some people will try to find…

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Desparation

If I had a dollar for every time we say, 

“If I had a dollar”

I’d have enough

To never even bother

I’d buy a private island

In a land faraway 

Take every single dollar

And give it all away

I’d be the poorest and the richest

And no one else would know

Buried my treasure in the sand

To see if it grows

Then in a state of desperation

For all that I have lost

I will hold myself for ransom

To see how much I cost

We weren’t born for this 

But still we do it daily

We let the world we created

Drive us crazy

“I choose the lie over life

Believing it will save me”

Is the thought

Of the emotionally lazy

You’ve been lied to

How is it possible you can’t see this?

It wasn’t God

Who created us to be this

To the One we are Beloved

It’s our Name from the Beginning

It’s believing otherwise

That’s the Genesis of sinning

Desperation

How did we get this way?

It defeats the very purpose

Every time we try to pray

I can’t stand it

How many times can we be told?

You can’t serve two masters

And the worst of them is gold

©️ Copyright 2021 Pedro S. Silva II

The Call of the Coyotes

I hear your call on my morning walk
In my soul you sound like me
Expressing not entertaining
Giving voice to what makes you free

You are a child of Nature
Living here before we came
Domesticating wildness
While our own tongues we cannot tame

Whenever I hear you calling,
I wonder what you say
Is yelping in the darkness
The Way Coyotes pray?

Well if it is I’m part Coyote
I also call to the One Who Hears
I may not speak Coyote Language
But I’m blessed with Coyote ears.

©️ Copyright 2021 Pedro S. Silva II

More poetry at https://itsallinme.com/

Freestyle Vision Statement

It’s All too big

For us to be this small

We got to push out fear

So we can hear Love’s call

I  will keep building bridges 

To overcome your walls 

Undivide your divisions

Till we’re all in All

I don’t care if you don’t like me

What you may think unsightly,

I can never let it fright me

It might be…

Let me make a new decision

Undo everything I’ve learned

With Mysterious’ precision

Lose my vision

Makes me the opposite of blind

Eternally forgiving

Means never running out of time

I shine…

When I come out of the dark

“It is finished.”

From the moment that you start.

©️ Copyright 2021 Pedro S. Silva II

Belonging to Not Belonging

They say “Get in where you fit in.”
But I can’t find my space.
Like looking in the mirror
But cannot recognize my face.

No one else can see me.
What should I expect?
An outsider can’t get in
I’m destined a reject.

Damn this hunger for belonging.
I’m never satisfied
Because of the idea, “I should be special.”
Now I see it was all a lie.

All heartbreaks come from beauty
Or longing for it to be
The presence of an absence
The soul was never meant to see

So now I’m coming out of hiding
I need to recognize my grief
Because I know me, but cannot show me,
I’m a product of disbelief.

© Copyright 2021 Pedro S. Silva II



God’s Plan

it started in the beginning
it ended in the beginning
the Peace and the war
the losing and the Winning
the time we have to wait
the weight that comes with time
the Word and the verse
the pentameter and the rhyme
the Hope for a better tomorrow
than the way things are today
the separation from God
and the recollection when we Pray
the anger and the rage
that makes me hate my fellow man
and the Forgiveness of all error
that makes me want to hold His hand
the slavery that freed me
and the freedom that was my prison
the Light that was so blinding
that it made clear my True vision
the death I had to suffer
to see that I was Alive
the Love that is more Perfect
than all that man’s contrived
all that I will overcome
that led me to come over
to the Answer that’s so close
that it can’t get any closer
the doubt that made me Trust
that there’s Nothing I should doubt
and the Silence that’s so deafening
it drowned out all my shouts
my enemies who hate me
that I may know the Love of my friends
and the Salvation I received
because I committed all those sins
so when it comes to God’s Plan
there’s only One thing we need to know
this world was already Perfect
before our struggle to make it so

© Copyright 2004 Pedro S. Silva II

Serenity

There is no serenity, unless you know serenity.

Living life abundantly is the essence of infinity.

Something from nothing–creation is this simple.

Concepts of the middle ground come from trying to keep it mental.

What is your mission, but to know life and live it?

No thought of receiving when your spirit’s led to giving.

Serenity is the knowledge that you are who you are.

In you is the Universe, with the composition of the star.

My mind’s eye sees what my mind’s eye knows.

Life is the vessel. Love is the ocean on which it flows.

We have to keep moving. There’s no Way to stop.

The only death there is, is being what you’re not.

Be and it is means–you are when you’re being.

Be still and know; you can’t know when you’re fleeing.

In serenity there is nowhere to hide

And nothing to run from, since death is a lie.

Dreams give you direction to where it is you’re going.

Life is perpetual constantly flowing.

The only sin there is–denying what is real.

Don’t interpret your feelings. Feel what you feel.

Accept you’re the miracle you’ve looked for but couldn’t find.

There is nothing hidden that isn’t in your mind.

There is peace in reality if you live for God’s dreams.

This is the definition of what serenity means.

Live!