When faced with sadness v. anger
I find it very hard to choose
Because no matter who I side with
It seems someone has to lose
If I decide to go with sadness
It’s like a path to self destruction
Bottling up what is going on
Which begins to effect the way I function
With a less than upbeat countenance
People soon begin to notice
A thousand thoughts going through my mind
Making it a challenge to keep my focus
Soon acquaintances are always checking in
Trying to see if I’m okay
But before I explain what’s on my mind
Their minds begin turning the other way
Which only makes me sadder
I should’ve kept my problems to myself
Few people want to see the pain they hide
Reflected in the face of someone else
“Aren’t we all supposed to be happy
All the blanking time”
A thought that’s so unsettling
That I start to cross the anger line
But here’s the thing about our anger
On the surface it feels so freeing
But spending too much time with it
Can make you a different human being
See with sadness we feel like we should improve
It leads to the gate of our frustration
Where with anger it only feeds itself
On the fuel of justification
We feel it’s a right to have some anger
To feel it is not unique
Some would even say that it’s in vogue
Competing with stress for what’s more chic
Anger gets you some respect
Which in a way can be addicting
Unlike sadness which often comes with shame
Or guilt which is itself restricting
Anger seems to have your back
While sadness only takes you down
You can have an honest laugh with anger
But sadness is better expressed with frowns
People will support you in your anger
With sadness they push away the feeling
We can take our anger to increasing levels
But sadness has to have a ceiling
Maybe it’s because anger’s more entertaining
It makes for a better story
The angry teams walks away with gold
The sad team looking worse outside their glory
We even can accept an angry god
Before we can accept a god who’s sad
Even when meeting God whose name is Love
We anticipate god, the abusive dad
For a loving God knows sadness
This is also the God who cries
But a God who suffers is a God we resist
For this is a God to Whom we’re obliged
For if God suffers we’re never alone
If God endures we’re not in danger
For a God who relates to how we feel
Takes away the righteousness of our anger
We see our pain in context
Through the rending of this veil
We see that when we choose to separate
We are the authors of our own betrayal
Because as long as we are angry
We can’t choose reconciliation
The only way back to our more whole selves
Restored from humiliation
You see healing requires sadness
Even if anger’s our first decision
Because sadness means our heart still has some hope
And has not surrendered to division
Now accepting this isn’t easy
Anger is truly a sweet temptation
But in the end it proves a hopeless endeavor
That only persists in separation
© Copyright 2015 Pedro S. Silva II
It's All In Me - Poetry Blog 