Ego – Page 2 – It's All In Me

I Have Denied You

May 25, 2015 Higher Up IDEALSLeave a comment

I can admit that I’ve denied You

No matter what I’ve tried to say

Even saying Your Name a thousand times

I deny you every day

I don’t do it on the surface

How I do it is undercover

Every time I refuse to love my neighbor

As if they were a sister or a brother

When I close my heart to a stranger

Who may be an angel unaware

I deny that You are The Presence

By pretending You’re not there

I tell myself I’m behind You

That I’m following in Your steps

But the reality is if I don’t give You all

Any credit I receive is theft

I don’t want to be a liar

But I am every time I speak

When I act as if I’m special

Or that my struggle’s are unique

From the least up to the greatest

The categories that we impose

Are just as false as separation

The lie out of which they all arose

It’s one of the things that keeps me distant

Whenever I make it real

Saying, “I feel like I can’t relate to You

Because You don’t know how I feel.”

But in truth You’re right here with me

In everything I do

And suddenly it becomes so very clear

I deny me when denying You

For in relationship I was formed

In communion I was conceived

You accepted me for who I would become

Even before I first believed

That’s why You can’t make me doubt You

I do that on my own

As soon as I open my mouth to say,

“I feel like I’m alone.”

For that has never been my reality

Nor has it been for any person

Endings begin with this very first sin

And from there they begin to worsen

“If I’m alone then no one loves me”

“If I’m alone I can’t cause pain”

But humans aren’t meant to be alone

So the very thought makes us insane

That’s why we’re constantly seeking approval

Causing drama to feel connected

Chasing our tails to personal hells

Because we can’t accept that we’re accepted

I’m sure we don’t want to do this

But we find it hard to fight this

I’m thinking about You at this very moment

And yet I deny You as I write this

Pain and Loss

May 20, 2015May 20, 2015 Higher Up IDEALSLeave a comment

There is a place where what we think we’ve lost

Is right here with us all along

Never not within our reach

Out of view but never gone

It’s a place that’s called Reality

It isn’t hard to find

All you need to do is reimagine you

And accept that time is not a line

It’s not even a circle

More precisely it’s like a sphere

Expanding all around you

So that any now is always here

With your focus on a center

Life moves in and out like breath

On the inhale you touch eternal life

While the exhale feels like death

But of course that is illusion

The in and out are wholly one

Try to divide them into two

And what you wind up with is none

But that is just a moment

In an infinitude of more

As soon as one ends another begins

That’s why no one’s keeping score

Now some would see this as their freedom

“I will do what I want to do.”

“No loss must mean no consequence.”

But actually it isn’t true

Despite the fact that all is here

And that time lasts longer than forever

There is a flow to how it goes

Which keeps it all together

There’s a pushing and a pulling

That manifests in waves

That creates alignments with likes and likes

Creating masters bound to slaves

Some people call it karma

I call it reaping what we sow

God probably calls it “It is what it is.”

But it’s a mystery we cannot know

It maintains itself through veiling

As we approach the truth we feel it shifting

Causing us to look again

Because now it feels like something’s missing

It’s not trying to be evasive

Even though that’s how it seems

Truth’s just trying to keep us moving

So it can pull us from the dream

There is really nothing to lose

This is the one thing we can gain

To wake us up from the fear of loss

Out of which we make up pain

Everything and Then Some

May 19, 2015 Higher Up IDEALSLeave a comment

When someone asks you to prove your love,

You better prepare to die

Anything less is just holding back

In this beholder’s eye

Though they do not think they’re worthy

They want you to make them feel they are

But no matter how much you offer them

They won’t believe it without your scars

They want to see you bleed

They want you to give it all away

How much your heart has love for them

Is the last thing they demand you say

Your last words should be a testament

To how much they mean to you

But they’ll find a reason to doubt it

No matter what you do

On them the sun should rise

On them the sun should set

Give yourself to anything else

And their whole world will be upset

Even if it’s your own children

Or your faith in your religion

Any focus that is not on them

In their minds will cause division

They will say it’s because they love you

But this can’t be further from the truth

Because if there’s one thing that I’ve learned from love

Is that it never asks for proof

It gives with no thought of getting

It’s sole hope is that we receive

And even after we’ve denied it thrice

We find Love is the One who grieves

Abandoned and abused

Love still keeps us in its prayers

Compelling us to fulfillment

While we are focused on other cares

Love is so relentless

That it will even refuse to die

Coming back to bless its murderers

Despite this fact we still deny

Love forgives us before we seek it

Keeps its promises while we’re debating

And when we arrive in the hells that we create

We find Love is right there waiting

The Inauthentic self

April 2, 2015April 2, 2015 Higher Up IDEALS2 Comments

The Authentic One has no self

There never is an “I”

Knowing there’s no such thing as Death

One never owns this lie

All One ever knows is Being

In fact One is the only Beer

The Source of every vision born of Truth

One can be the only Seer

The “I” that isn’t blind

Sees not what is before it

Dividing what’s One into separate selves

And then trying to restore it

It’s the oldest trick in the book of ego

Designed to make the “I” the savior

By creating dangers that do not exist

In an effort to control behavior

In an effort to be special

In an effort to be the best

In an effort to succeed no matter what the costs

And to rise above the rest

But take away the effort

And here is what you’ll find

All the doings that we thought were done

Do not exist outside the mind

I don’t know a way to tell you this

Without it sounding like a threat

To all that we’ve accomplished

Or the things we haven’t finished yet

But on the other side of what we think we do

There are worlds coming into being

Some of which are binding us

Others forever freeing

It’s a paradox of paradox

Quite impossible to prove it

Founded on the Yeshua principle

Those who gain their lives will lose it

I know that this sounds crazy

But here is something crazier still

Everything that’s keeping you from You

Isn’t even real

I know that you can feel this

You can sense that it’s the Truth

Because within you is the Godhead

So that there is no excuse

But this is something we’re denying

And there’s just a single reason why

If we accept the Truth of who we are

We can no longer be the “I”

And suddenly there’s no “them”

We’s the only life that’s True

Making all of “them” as innocent

As you are for what you do

Holy freakin’ moly

This kind of thinking will blow your mind

Until you no longer have one

That can operate in time

Then that’s when you will see It

From the eternal point of view

That the Mind of Christ that lives in Yesh

Is the only Mind of the Authentic You

Winners Cannot Lose

February 20, 2015 Higher Up IDEALSLeave a comment

The feeling that we label loss

Is a lie with no foundation

Despite what we continue to tell ourselves,

It’s never part of God’s Creation

Being wholly Present

In God absence can never be

So all that was always is

No matter what we think we see

It’s really quite amazing

Our sophisticated lies

Without time we cannot be special

So we’d rather believe we die

It’s all a big equation

Calculated in our favor

If others can lose then we can win

Giving us a chance to play the savior

It’s an attractive proposition

To be better than them all

But if you take away the judgment

You instantly take away the fall

Yeshua is a genius

See how he takes away our sins

By showing us a reality

Where everybody wins

There are no such thing as losers

We can win or we can learn

Or we can suffer in resistance

Until we start to feel the burn

But we can’t hold out forever

Eventually we will crumble

Realizing that the power we are looking for

Can only come from being humble

That’s when thinking of others losing

Becomes a complete misuse of mind

And our obsessive thoughts of winning

Soon transform to the healing kind

What we once called our misfortunes

Now are blessings undisguised

Because we’re no longer seeing dimly

Once the Truth is realized

It’s what Yeshua was trying to say

“Those who don’t have will have less”

But those who have will have much more

For through them the world is blessed

Not of their own doing

But because they were undone

No longer fearing losing

The entire world has won

The Mirror In the Man

February 19, 2015 Higher Up IDEALS2 Comments

I talked to the Man in the Mirror

Who led me to the Mirror in the Man

The thoughts that I reflect upon

That shape how I understand

He told me that to know him

I first had to let him be

To go back to his original state

Untethered and wholly free

Before he was a father

Before he was a son

Before he was just a survival tool

That state where he is One

His suggestion threatened my ego

I feared I would not exist

Without my mind to remind me of who I was

How could my ideas of me persist?

But he told me that all my big ideas

Led me further from the Truth

They were just stories I told myself

So that my so called life had proof

He said the Man in the Mirror

Is not really my reflection

That I was focusing all my power

On a mere ego projection

My mind shining through a filter

That casted only a shadow of myself

That I then looked at Creation through

Seeing shadows everywhere else

This was really hard to swallow

How could this really be?

How can I know who I really am

If my body isn’t me?

And what of other bodies?

If they’re not people, who are they?

And if I try to tell them this,

What will these other bodies say?

Maybe what they’re supposed to,

To ensure that they survive.

But if that is all that we can do

What is it that makes us come alive?

If we are not all these categories

And boxes people check

Are we really anything at all,

When further we reflect?

That’s really a scary thought

But one we have to entertain

If we ever are to know ourselves

As more than programs in our brain

In fact, the fear we feel around this

Is just another survival tool

Because the brain’s designed to not admit

When its programming has been fooled

Try it if you doubt it

Just try thinking something new

Say something that you don’t believe

And see what your brain will do

Synapses will start firing

Doing pattern reconstruction

Telling you what you already “know”

Just like the brain is supposed to function

It’s not easy to resist this

Even when higher knowledge has been revealed

We cannot do what we want to do

As long as the former pattern’s sealed

When I heard this, I couldn’t deny it

I had experienced the same

My brain was making all the rules

When I thought I controlled the game

This thought was so frustrating

The cognitive dissonance started hurting

Trying to hold these opposing thoughts

Was severely disconcerting

That’s when I remembered

Something in the Bible that I read

“Greater is He that’s in you.”

So I listened to “Him” instead

The “me” that is in the world

Started running out of time

As I began my transformation

Through the renewal of my mind

Paul said to die daily

Renewing body, mind, and all

Living from our heavenly body

That is aligned with our mind’s true call

But to do this we must surrender

We lose our lives when we try to save it

So the only Way to truly live

Is to return our lives to the One who gave it

This is the Mind that is in Christ

The Mind begotten but never born

According to the Original pattern

And not the ones to which the brain’s conformed

The Indefensible Truth

February 16, 2015March 6, 2015 Higher Up IDEALSLeave a comment

Truth doesn’t need our protection

It is beyond all of our defense

So our beliefs that we are its safeguards

In reality makes no sense

How can we secure what made us?

Be the fulfillment of what’s been done?

As if a lie can make the Truth pronounced

Or a shadow that shrouds the Sun

I’d call it “The Great Deception”

But it falls quite short of great

Being shaped by Truth’s rejection

It has no place to situate

These lies have no foundation

Despite the appearance that they do

We can never tell a lie enough

To ever make it true

The truth we think we are protecting

Is often just our own position

Seeing only a piece of the puzzle

Then framing it with our traditions

Now in its own way this is beautiful

Like when children are at play

But when we cease to celebrate that it is art

We know we’ve gone too far astray

The Truth is all-creating

There’s no way we can contain it

It is Art in its Highest formless form

Life-giving and all sustaining

It’s dynamic by its nature

It’s beautiful being is never static

Hence the thought we can ever make it so

Is the beginning of all things tragic

Still-life is an oxymoron

As far as The Truth’s concerned

Our self portraits giving a clear impression

Of how much we have to learn

There’s nothing more unique than Truth

For it, there is no match

That’s why we make idols of our pursuits

Because Truth’s impossible to catch

Which brings me back to my earlier point

About how Truth does not need our defending

Which when realized will free us from making wars

To create more peaceful never endings

Walk Through Walls

February 14, 2015 Higher Up IDEALSLeave a comment

Walls do not exist

They’re figments of imagination

Designed to blind our consciousness

From what we’re afraid of facing

There are walls that are made of money

There are walls that are made of stone

And walls that are made of false beliefs

Passed down but not our own

Our walls are what protect us

They tell us who we are

And they also tell us who we aren’t

To keep those who aren’t us very far

Almost everybody has them

It’s how we maintain our borders

So those who know that they aren’t real

Are often caught defying orders

We see them as the outcasts

At best they are the martyrs

We take those who are simply living Truth

And we make them movement starters

That’s how we define them

Using retrospection

Approving of them after death

While in life they got rejection

In our guilt we make them heroes

We make them even greater in our minds

We tell ourselves we revere them

But in truth we’re drawing lines

“This far and no further”

Is what we’re really trying to say

“The quickest way to get a statue

Is to go the martyr’s way.”

Now we’re making walls with dreamers

And most of us don’t know

They want to make us famous

So we have nowhere to go

But here’s the thing that we don’t get

I was serious about what I said

Our walls truly do not exist

They’re all made up in our head

Taking away the body

Does not take away the being

We think we’ve put a stop to Truth

But we don’t know what we are freeing

Yeshua called it the last enemy

Because it’s the one that never was

And from it we’ve created worlds

Built on the premise that it does

It’s the Wall that shapes all walls

Telling the lie, “There’s nothing left.”

But once we see the other side

We know there’s no such thing as death

Now the walls begin to crumble

Once we know that they’re not there

And all of a sudden Yeshua makes sense

When he tells us don’t be scared

You can’t imagine what you can imagine

When there’s nothing there to stop you

The first thing that you realize

It that the ego self is not you

We’ve just been dreaming limitation

When in reality there is none

But soon we’ll know ourselves as we are known

The very image of the Son

Life of Wonder

February 11, 2015February 11, 2015 Higher Up IDEALSLeave a comment

So how did I get this life?

This person that I be

I wonder if I’m happy

I wonder if I’m free

The reality is I can’t feel it

These things that people do

The stuff that makes them excited

I can’t tell if it is true

I see it and it makes me wonder

Is this the way that I should feel?

Am I full or am I empty?

I wonder which is real

It’s not like I just got here

I’ve been here all my life

But still I feel unseen out here

Like someone turned out all the lights

I’ve taught myself to participate

I can do the conversations

But sometimes it’s just like Groundhog Day

Repeating the exact same situations

What I want is something different

Almost impossible to describe

I don’t just want to make it here

My intention is to thrive

I’m not just living for my next fix

Like I’m fundamentally broken

I am emerging from the mouth of Wholeness Itself

The Word that never comes back void once it is spoken

That’s why I’m in wonder

Why do so many choose the lesser gift?

Choosing the package over the content

Is like getting high without the lift

While we think we’re going up

We’re really headed down

Heels over head, the world just flipped

Soon to crashland on the ground

And then again I wonder

Why can’t we see this on the way?

We’ve been warned this time was coming

Despite not knowing the actual day

But I guess that’s human nature

We always think that we’re immune

Somehow we believe we can be in harmony

While never seeking to be in tune

How did we come to believe this?

How did this become the norm?

And how did I get caught up too,

Despite my resistance to conform?

Is it because I gave it my energy

When people accused me of being aloof?

In my effort to resist what I called a lie

My actions denied the truth

Now expressing what I do not want

There’s no room for what I do

So I’m wondering how to transcend this trap

And once again, the truth pursue

One and Counting

February 6, 2015February 6, 2015 Higher Up IDEALSLeave a comment

If All is One in the Beginning

Do all endings start with two?

From there leading to many

Countless “Me”s apart from you

In One there’s no division

Therefore nothing torn asunder

Yet in many we seem to forsake the Whole

And make idols out of numbers

Oh to live the Shema

“The Lord our God is One”

If this is true then what do we get

When all of our counting’s done

With our “adding up” obsessions

You’d think we’d find salvation

But all we seem to get from this

Is more miscalculations

All of our opinions

About the way we think things are

Like the six blind men and the elephant

So close but yet so far

We try to measure everything

In our attempts to get control

Not seeing that our metrics all fall short

Of the Undivided Whole

That’s why we’re so crazy

And mostly schizophrenic

Divided minds seeing many

In a world with only Oneness in it

So God please help my vision

To see only what is True

If You are One, then so are we

Since we live and move in You