Category: Ego

Twisted

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People,

In the wake of all that is going on with the violence, fear, hurt, and anger in this world, I challenge all of us who are seeking to transcend status quo to read this poem and take it into your heart. If you get something out of it share it. It’s autobiographical, but in the end, it isn’t about me. It’s about taking responsibility for the world that we are all creating. It’s time to wake up or die in our sleep.

The Love,

Pedro S. Silva II

Twisted
Open up your ears and hear
The story that I’m telling you
When I was a little kid
I used to get dissed on the regular

I used to get picked on
Poked at and made fun of
Because I was a sensitive cat
Always talking about One Love

Other kids my age
Had multiple distractions
Where as I was more focused on
Putting words into action

So when I took it to the streets
I didn’t expect to get straight dissed
‘Cause my shoes had too many stripes for Adidas
But not enough for K-Swiss

My words were for nothing
I only evoked laughter
I tried to get them focused off my clothes
But it just didn’t matter

They called me church boy
They said I talked “white”
But they were living cartoon
While I was living real life

I wanted to show love
But all they knew was hating
Perpetually playing themselves
Because they were mentally masturbating

They believed the lie
It had been passed down from their mama
Generations infected by an attempt
To keep the black man in drama

So I took it to the adults
I thought they would understand
But they were too “whitewashed”
To see this burgeoning black man

So I took it to my history teacher
Then he said this to my face
“You’re a smart boy
And a credit to your race”

He thought it was a compliment
Only a white man could say that
If he understood anything about me
He’d have known I wouldn’t play that

But I knew he had good intentions
I could tell he didn’t know
He was caught up like everyone else
So I decided to let it go

I then took it to my Grandma
But what she said left me unsettled
She told me tell white people I was Portuguese
So that they would treat me better

What the hell was that?
Was this some conspiracy?
Everyone and their mama working together
To try to instill fear in me

They saw something I thought was impossible
While I saw something else
They were choosing to believe a lie
But I chose to believe in myself

I knew that God had made me
And I know He only makes the best
So I knew the fact that I was not white
In no way made me less

Someone had gotten it twisted
And I was going to find out who
There was no way I was letting these scared victims of society
Tell me what to do

So at first I examined the white man
Since everyone thought he was so smart
I discovered so many despicable deeds
It was as if he had no heart

Then I checked out the black man
I figured they were more like me
But I got pissed to find out some of them helped
When we were sold into slavery

My mind became consumed with anger
I had to let it out
So I decided to tell every black and white
What I was all about

Well both sides called me a racist
In that they agreed with each other
Whites said I was an uppity nigger
And blacks called me siddity brother

So I then turned to God
Well turned on Him is more accurate
Because I didn’t like the way He made this world
I told Him I wasn’t having it

I said “You better do something
Before I fix this world myself
If You are the One responsible for this
I might as well pray to someone else”

He responded, “While you’re sitting here pointing fingers
How about looking in the mirror
I am the One that made all you see
Call nothing I made inferior

Who are you to judge?
Are you the scale by which all things are measured?
Are all things imperfect as compared to you?
Did you put this world together?

There’s a point to all of this
Just listen to what I’m saying
Perhaps I created this entire world
Just to have you right here praying

In Me anything is possible
To all those who believe
This world is as beautiful or ugly as you see it
It depends on what you choose to perceive

I made this world out of perfection
But in your Ego you thought you could fix it
This world will change when you change your mind
You are the one that got it twisted

© Copyright 2004 Pedro S. Silva II

 

 

The Up Side of Down

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I am done with my pretending
That One can ever be a two
Two is just a false multiplicity
Of all that isn’t true

We claim a world based on division
Of what can never be divided
We think that we can take the All that’s One
And make it double-sided

But the distance never happened
Not even in our dreams
Oneness yielding separation
Infinity bursting at the seams

I can see it all so clearly
I can feel it in my bones
I am still “In the Beginning”
And I’ve never been alone

We is a singularity
Plurality is just a method of expression
The All that’s One seen in many ways
Casting infinite reflections

That’s the Up side of Down
They are One and they’re the same
Like life and death and all that’s left
Are simply links in a single chain

Move a link and see what happens
You move one and you move them all
And so it is in every realm
Rising as we fall

© Copyright 2015 Pedro S. Silva II

Led Into Temptation

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When I feel led into temptation

I know it’s not from You

It’s because I’m looking at other things

That are telling me what to do

Thank You that I’m not listening

But I must admit that it’s a challenge

I’m trying to stand on what You said

But it’s hard to keep my balance

I know serving You is a narrow path

That comes with all I need included

But when I begin to look at the outer world

I start wondering if I’m deluded

Sure You always have provided

Showed me things few would believe

But maybe it’s all coincidence

And I have actually been deceived

That’s what I start to tell myself

Whenever I want to take control

Strung along by my desires

Fantasies trying to take their hold

I’m now wrestling with the Cosmos

Corporeality’s got me pinned

I’m on the verge of tapping out

And that’s just when You tap in

The Work You do’s amazing

You’re literally all over the Place

Making One out of many breaks

Through the bending of time and space

Things that seemed to be for evil

All of a sudden becoming good

Doing things I never thought You’d do

But I imagine You knew You would

Or maybe you did it for me

In response to my condition

You saw the mess I was headed toward

So You made my life Your mission

Either way I can say You’ve saved me

Time and time again

Absorbing my temptation

Thereby leading me from sin

 

© Copyright 2015 Pedro S. Silva II

 

Sadness v. Anger

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When faced with sadness v. anger

I find it very hard to choose

Because no matter who I side with

It seems someone has to lose

If I decide to go with sadness

It’s like a path to self destruction

Bottling up what is going on

Which begins to effect the way I function

With a less than upbeat countenance

People soon begin to notice

A thousand thoughts going through my mind

Making it a challenge to keep my focus

Soon acquaintances are always checking in

Trying to see if I’m okay

But before I explain what’s on my mind

Their minds begin turning the other way

Which only makes me sadder

I should’ve kept my problems to myself

Few people want to see the pain they hide

Reflected in the face of someone else

“Aren’t we all supposed to be happy

All the blanking time”

A thought that’s so unsettling

That I start to cross the anger line

But here’s the thing about our anger

On the surface it feels so freeing

But spending too much time with it

Can make you a different human being

See with sadness we feel like we should improve

It leads to the gate of our frustration

Where with anger it only feeds itself

On the fuel of justification

We feel it’s a right to have some anger

To feel it is not unique

Some would even say that it’s in vogue

Competing with stress for what’s more chic

Anger gets you some respect

Which in a way can be addicting

Unlike sadness which often comes with shame

Or guilt which is itself restricting

Anger seems to have your back

While sadness only takes you down

You can have an honest laugh with anger

But sadness is better expressed with frowns

People will support you in your anger

With sadness they push away the feeling

We can take our anger to increasing levels

But sadness has to have a ceiling

Maybe it’s because anger’s more entertaining

It makes for a better story

The angry teams walks away with gold

The sad team looking worse outside their glory

We even can accept an angry god

Before we can accept a god who’s sad

Even when meeting God whose name is Love

We anticipate god, the abusive dad

For a loving God knows sadness

This is also the God who cries

But a God who suffers is a God we resist

For this is a God to Whom we’re obliged

For if God suffers we’re never alone

If God endures we’re not in danger

For a God who relates to how we feel

Takes away the righteousness of our anger

We see our pain in context

Through the rending of this veil

We see that when we choose to separate

We are the authors of our own betrayal

Because as long as we are angry

We can’t choose reconciliation

The only way back to our more whole selves

Restored from humiliation

You see healing requires sadness

Even if anger’s our first decision

Because sadness means our heart still has some hope

And has not surrendered to division

Now accepting this isn’t easy

Anger is truly a sweet temptation

But in the end it proves a hopeless endeavor

That only persists in separation

 

© Copyright 2015 Pedro S. Silva II

 

Our Guardian Whose Art Is Heaven

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Our Guardian Whose Art is Heaven

On this and every other plane

Thanks for calling us into being

And holding us in Your Name

We seek to find your Kingdom

We live for it to come

A world beyond division

Where all are known as One

A place of infinite creation

Where all that’s good will last

Our future and our hope

Without the burdens of the past

Thy will for us is done

By Your Heaven born Design

As soon as we surrender

And walk the narrow line

By Your Word You feed us daily

With everything we need

Satisfying Holy hungers

That this world could never feed

You share the joy of Your forgiveness

By instructing we do it too

Forgiving others when they trespass

For they know not what they do

This frees us from temptation

From error we’re delivered

We enter into the Kingdom

When we imitate the Giver

In that State we behold Your Glory

And Your unassuming Power

That’s been our Light in a world of darkness

Preparing us for our hour

You’ve been creating us in Your Image

Though invisible it may be

Teaching us to practice the Art of Heaven

That only opened eyes can see

© Copyright 2015 Pedro S. Silva II

I Have Denied You

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I can admit that I’ve denied You

No matter what I’ve tried to say

Even saying Your Name a thousand times

I deny you every day

I don’t do it on the surface

How I do it is undercover

Every time I refuse to love my neighbor

As if they were a sister or a brother

When I close my heart to a stranger

Who may be an angel unaware

I deny that You are The Presence

By pretending You’re not there

I tell myself I’m behind You

That I’m following in Your steps

But the reality is if I don’t give You all

Any credit I receive is theft

I don’t want to be a liar

But I am every time I speak

When I act as if I’m special

Or that my struggle’s are unique

From the least up to the greatest

The categories that we impose

Are just as false as separation

The lie out of which they all arose

It’s one of the things that keeps me distant

Whenever I make it real

Saying, “I feel like I can’t relate to You

Because You don’t know how I feel.”

But in truth You’re right here with me

In everything I do

And suddenly it becomes so very clear

I deny me when denying You

For in relationship I was formed

In communion I was conceived

You accepted me for who I would become

Even before I first believed

That’s why You can’t make me doubt You

I do that on my own

As soon as I open my mouth to say,

“I feel like I’m alone.”

For that has never been my reality

Nor has it been for any person

Endings begin with this very first sin

And from there they begin to worsen

“If I’m alone then no one loves me”

“If I’m alone I can’t cause pain”

But humans aren’t meant to be alone

So the very thought makes us insane

That’s why we’re constantly seeking approval

Causing drama to feel connected

Chasing our tails to personal hells

Because we can’t accept that we’re accepted

I’m sure we don’t want to do this

But we find it hard to fight this

I’m thinking about You at this very moment

And yet I deny You as I write this

 

© Copyright 2015 Pedro S. Silva II

 

 

 

Pain and Loss

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There is a place where what we think we’ve lost

Is right here with us all along

Never not within our reach

Out of view but never gone

It’s a place that’s called Reality

It isn’t hard to find

All you need to do is reimagine you

And accept that time is not a line

It’s not even a circle

More precisely it’s like a sphere

Expanding all around you

So that any now is always here

With your focus on a center

Life moves in and out like breath

On the inhale you touch eternal life

While the exhale feels like death

But of course that is illusion

The in and out are wholly one

Try to divide them into two

And what you wind up with is none

But that is just a moment

In an infinitude of more

As soon as one ends another begins

That’s why no one’s keeping score

Now some would see this as their freedom

“I will do what I want to do.”

“No loss must mean no consequence.”

But actually it isn’t true

Despite the fact that all is here

And that time lasts longer than forever

There is a flow to how it goes

Which keeps it all together

There’s a pushing and a pulling

That manifests in waves

That creates alignments with likes and likes

Creating masters bound to slaves

Some people call it karma

I call it reaping what we sow

God probably calls it “It is what it is.”

But it’s a mystery we cannot know

It maintains itself through veiling

As we approach the truth we feel it shifting

Causing us to look again

Because now it feels like something’s missing

It’s not trying to be evasive

Even though that’s how it seems

Truth’s just trying to keep us moving

So it can pull us from the dream

There is really nothing to lose

This is the one thing we can gain

To wake us up from the fear of loss

Out of which we make up pain

© Copyright 2015 Pedro S. Silva II

Everything and Then Some

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When someone asks you to prove your love,

You better prepare to die

Anything less is just holding back

In this beholder’s eye

Though they do not think they’re worthy

They want you to make them feel they are

But no matter how much you offer them

They won’t believe it without your scars

They want to see you bleed

They want you to give it all away

How much your heart has love for them

Is the last thing they demand you say

Your last words should be a testament

To how much they mean to you

But they’ll find a reason to doubt it

No matter what you do

On them the sun should rise

On them the sun should set

Give yourself to anything else

And their whole world will be upset

Even if it’s your own children

Or your faith in your religion

Any focus that is not on them

In their minds will cause division

They will say it’s because they love you

But this can’t be further from the truth

Because if there’s one thing that I’ve learned from love

Is that it never asks for proof

It gives with no thought of getting

It’s sole hope is that we receive

And even after we’ve denied it thrice

We find Love is the One who grieves

Abandoned and abused

Love still keeps us in its prayers

Compelling us to fulfillment

While we are focused on other cares

Love is so relentless

That it will even refuse to die

Coming back to bless its murderers

Despite this fact we still deny

Love forgives us before we seek it

Keeps its promises while we’re debating

And when we arrive in the hells that we create

We find Love is right there waiting

 

© Copyright 2015 Pedro S. Silva II

Life Without Hunger

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My body has just revealed the news

I’m not the only one who’s ever me

Others will walk in these tattered shoes

And see what I can see

Perhaps you’ll be attending

The event we call this person

And I’ll attend from the other side

Our situations now reversing

You will see I cannot be lonely

So far this has kept me away from you

Since the fear you have of abandonment

Has been guiding what you do

I also cannot be thirsty

And this will change the way you think

When realizing all that’s been cut too short

Every time you pause to take a drink

Plus you’ve been taught you die from hunger

It’s just their ploy to keep you filled

What I’ve found is that by running on empty,

The truth of who we are cannot be killed

At first this thought is frightening

But you cannot figure why

I say it’s because to you death is release

You have parts you want to die

Now you feel that death’s deceiving

You’re still you after it’s all over

Death’s not the escape you thought it was

You still have yourself to shoulder

It’s the cross you have to bear

Until you accept what we’re trying to tell you

Be an empty vessel or lose yourself

The very lesson of the deluge

In the midst of being nothing

You get the chance to see it all

Becoming everyone who ever was

Until you never had to fall

Then we’re standing face to face

You know the secret that can’t be told

Minus hunger we all are One

Emptied fullness reveals the soul

It’s the Life that has no hunger

Desiring nothing you are complete

Every step you take is a victory

No more suffering of defeat

 

© Copyright 2015 Pedro S. Silva II

What Is Your Name?

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The day we were born we were given a name

That may not be our own

A signal for people to get our attention

And pull us out of the zone

In time the name’s defining

When people hear it they think of you

Attaching thoughts and judgments

Regardless of if they’re true

Sometimes this is in our favor

Other times it takes us down

The name signaling who we used to be

But negating who we are now

And what if the name we’re given

Was attached to another person first

So that people projected that one on us

From the moment of our birth

Well that hardly can be called fair

It’s like we never had a chance

First having to assert that we’re not them

Before we can ever take our stance

For some this is a challenge

We cannot be that strong

To resist how people are shaping us

With the thoughts that we are wrong

It’s like any definition

We are limited by what we’re called

Unless we transcend all definitions

By assuming the Name that can exalt

It’s a name given in secret

By the Name above all names

That within contains the very fullness

Of the Origins from which we came

This Name does not define us

It simply reminds us of who we are

Disintegrating any thought that we are less

Than that which shapes the stars

Sometimes the name we’re given

Is the first lie we’re ever told

The life we live subsequently

Is just watching the lies unfold

But we do not have to claim this

Just because that’s all we know

Just ask Hashem who we really are

Then let the you that’s not you go

Ask the Creator what your Name is

Then live into the highest vision

Day by day receiving clues

Until you come into recognition

Then one day you will know it

The Name that’s truly you

Live this Name within your heart of hearts

Until your transformation comes into view

That’s when you are living the revelation

Knowing the eternal you as you are known

Freed from the limits of temporal judgments

Attached to a name that was not your own

 

© Copyright 2015 Pedro S. Silva II