Category: Reality

Embracing Nothing

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I just want to be defeated
And no longer have a care
Let this last battle have me
And sink into despair
Raise the white flag
Settle into the abyss
Deleted from the world’s memory
So that I won’t even be missed
Get absorbed into the Void
Go from I was to now I wasn’t
Undo whatever it seems I’ve ever done
So that what I do becomes a doesn’t
Utterly erased
Even from anyone’s imagination
An unmanifest impossibility
Not even a consideration
I don’t want heaven and don’t want hell
Nor any concept in between
No good or bad illusions
Nor awakening in the dream
I only want to be empty
Completely uncontained
I’ve given everything I have
I just want to rest in being drained
But this doesn’t mean I’m giving up
I’m just finally seeing clearly
To be who only I can be
I cannot let earthly desires near me
They function how they’re supposed to
They promise what they cannot give
So wanting anything in this life
Never shows us how to live
It is only in wanting nothing
That I can receive everything and more
It’s only in surrendering everything I thought I had
That I can be what I came here for

© Copyright 2024 Pedro Senhorinha Silva II

Trusting the Process

Higher Up IDEALS1 Comment

I pour my self into You
Trusting You will never spill me
Never fearing emptiness
Because I know You’re here to fill me
The terror known by many folks
Who can’t contemplate Your Promise
Is dissolved the moment I witness You
So I give it all to keep me honest
I don’t want to pretend to Trust in You
Only when for me it is convenient
Then as soon as I don’t get what I want
Realize that I don’t mean it
To me Trusting You is its own reward
In fact it’s my only Treasure
Because anything that does not have You there
Will never stay together
From the beginning and to the end
From the first and to the last
Without You nothing that seems to matter
Ever truly has
Nations continue to come and go
Things that were enter non-existence
While people pretend to get it all
Through selfish one sided resistance
A horrible error in calculation
No one can hold their breath forever
Whether you last exhaled or last inhaled
The project of breathing is both together
And that’s what this world’s forgetting
Perhaps some of us never knew it
Oneness isn’t the strongest wins
It’s polarities congruent

©️ Copyright 2024 Pedro Senhorinha Silva

Whenever I write a poem, it is the fruit of weeks if not months or even years of spiritual labor. I don’t write to influence. I write to express. What emerges contains every part of the process that you would witness in the natural process of growing an actual fruit tree. And I never give way to the temptation to pick the fruit early. When it’s ripe, it falls on its own.

As the video explains, this poem was born out of two months of struggling to write about trust and a bout with a short term unwellness that rendered me extremely contemplative. What the video doesn’t say was that for most of the three days that my body was fevered and in pain, I was repeating “Thank you God. I love you.” as if it was my breath. I did this in part because of a practice I developed a long time ago based on James 1:2-8 where adherents are advised to count all of our trials as joy. And the other part is that I imagine that most people’s conversations with God are about asking for things they want to come in and things we don’t want to go away. So, I just decided that I would not ask God for anything and just be thankful. Besides there were a number of times when I was a pastor that I would suggest to people that they say “thank you” as a part of their process. So, I had to take my own advice.

Now, before you get into this video, let me me warn you that it may come off as a little irreverent. It isn’t meant to be. But, it is meant to make folks think. It is meant to challenge you and to basically call out where I think our lack of trust is leading us. I put this out here in trust. I guess that is where I will leave it.

Listen Once and For All

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Listen
Without words
To what can only be spoken
With Silence
There is no loss
There is no gain
In the Place where Love is Home
Like the top of the inhale
And the bottom of the exhale
Where in and out are One
And coming and going cease to be
There resides the thought
That tells you what you already know
You are more than enough
And worthy of all Creation
Here is where
In Silence you hear
The Voice of the voiceless
Noiselessly shouting
Everything I Am
Is Communicating
To Everything You Are
Telling You
Once and for All
We have Everything We need
When We have each Other

Learning How to Fly

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I was checking in with my soul
About everything that is passing
Then looked out to the world of form
For the answers to what I was asking
What am I supposed to do
When witnessing misdirection
Of people who are inclined to trust too much
Yet, will refuse a course correction?
Should I keep to myself while they keep to theirs?
It will be what it will be
Never choosing to intervene
So we’ll see what we will see?
Then out of nowhere the answer came
I looked and saw an eagle soaring
Symbolizing such a way
That I can’t go on ignoring
Do not judge this way or that
Because you don’t know where folks are going
If they are not on the path you’re on
What you say is not worth knowing
Just receive whatever is yours to have
That makes for truer living
And if some don’t honor what it is you have
Just move on and keep on giving
For it isn’t convincing that wins the day
A reward isn’t what you’re earning
It’s the gift of soaring above the fray
So that you can embody what it is you’re learning
© Copyright 2023 Pedro S. Silva II

As I was talking to God about some of the stuff I’m processing, I looked up and saw a bald eagle. When I saw it, I was in Massachusetts. I lived in Mass for almost 10 years and never once saw a bald eagle. I didn’t even suspect that they lived in this area. But, I googled it and in fact, it said that there are currently 76 pairs of bald eagles in MA. So, there’s a slim chance of seeing.

I looked further and learned that in some indigenous traditions, bald eagles symbolize non judgement, spiritual seeking, and pushing the limits of self discovery and personal liberation. Let’s just say that I can relate.

Seeing the eagle then was a comfort and a reminder that when we ask we receive, when we seek we find, and when we knock the door opens. And I have no influence on who makes these choices or not.


Photo by Mark Olsen on Unsplash

Much of the content that has emerged since November 19 is my processing the death of my friend and mentor, Carlton Pearson.

Higher Dimensions

Higher Up IDEALS2 Comments

Imagine a secret so powerful
To speak it would kill you
But if it’s kept to yourself
You will never know the real you
A boundless expression
That breaks right through your barrier
Exposing darkness to Light
There’s just nothing scarier
Total dissolution
Collapsing infinity
We’ve never known the half
Of all we were meant to be
Have you heard of Revelation?
Do you know what it’s revealing?
There’s no actual substance
To what we think we’re concealing
Entering Higher Dimensions
You accept what you’ve known
The rulers are the captives
Thus our choice to dethrone
At the right and the left hand
Is reflected half of the Center
Too far in either direction
And no one can enter
So we open the door
After shutting the others
Which causes a tension
For those under the covers
They ask for more sleep
So they think we’re alarming
By inviting awakening
To those they’re actively harming
But we do what we do
Because we can do nothing less
Than surrender to the Reality
We can’t help but confess

©️ Copyright 2023 Pedro Silva

I wrote this piece in honor of my friend Bishop Carlton Pearson who is holding a lot right now physically. If you are a praying person, I ask that you pray for his physical healing. If you are a person who finds joy in other people’s suffering because you feel that it somehow justifies your existence, please ignore us.

Surviving Heartbreak

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Day 104 of 365

You finally gave your heart away
The recipient returned to sender
Now you don’t want to ever hurt again
So you’re incapable of surrender
You barely survived the heartbreak
You say you can’t do it again
But if you don’t keep putting your heart at risk
Love will never win
I know it’s a dilemma
I’ve known that pain myself
If the first person thought I was not enough
How can I ever trust someone else?
There’s some validity to that logic
No one wants to suffer
But putting ourselves out there despite the risk
Is how we find each other
Besides holding back doesn’t hurt the one
Who caused you so much pain
In the end you only hurt yourself
By not giving your heart to gain
You see every time you survive a heartbreak
Then get back in the saddle
You’re secretly becoming more like God
Whose Love will never lose a battle
Didn’t you know that while God’s watching us
God’s heart is always breaking
But Love always comes in and fills the gaps
In the midst of our forsaking
Imagine if most of your children
Lie and say they love you
But take the gifts you have to them
And put those very things above you
You try to teach them to use them wisely
They push you away and will not listen
Only thinking of themselves as usual
They take what’s One and cause division
So you send them Love’s instructors
But they won’t listen to them either
Instead they ignore or murder them
Then label them deceiver
Or worse they pretend to worship them
In order to make them something special
And when they fail to live like them
They blame it on the Devil
Any excuse that they can think of
To do what they want to do
Their only goal is simply to feel they’re right
To justify ignoring you
Meanwhile your heart is breaking
You feel like you’ll die inside
But you surrender because you know the Truth
And instantly you’re more alive
It’s the Mystery of the Heartbreak
By giving your Love you will get more
For Love is the gift that you received
That by faith is always restored

Image by Jakob Rosen on Unsplash

What Do You Mean By “What Do I Mean?“

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I really don’t get it
When liars get mad at being lied to
Bending truth like a pretzel
But cry “foul” when others tried too
I’m totally confused
By cheaters who hate a cheater
Their tragedy is a comedy
All of the drama but no theater
I have no time for manipulators
Who hate being controlled
I’m past your passive aggression
You can’t imagine the heavy toll
And polite people are perplexing
I’d rather be kind than nice
Don’t tell me what you think I want to hear
Because in time there is a price
And the “Holier than thou”,
Who are you trying to convince?
God sees your thoughts and so do I
So you can cut it with pretense
And I can’t forget emotional martyrs
Who find joy every time they suffer
Feeling good is like a full assault
From which they always have a buffer
Then there’s the guilty for feeling guilty
The ashamed of feeling shame
The people who say “I’m bored” so much
You’d think it was their name
There’re those who give advice
They never seem to take
And the ones who always “keep it real”
By being really fake
Every kind of reactive being
Whose heads are such a mess
But act like they have the whole thing down
But when confronted won’t confess
I can’t tell if they’re pretending
Or if they know not what they do
All I know is if I’m “too direct”
They say “Something‘s wrong with you”
If I say exactly what I mean
They ask “What do you mean by that?”
If I actually answer what they have asked
They say, “You’re too serious with all your facts.”
If I have no opinion on certain things
Because I have never explored them
They proclaim “experience-less expertise”
But are offended if I ignore them
They get angry if I talk calmly
Saying, “You don’t have any feelings.”
Little things can throw them off
They want my thoughts while they’re concealing
They are killers afraid of dying
Committing murder with their mouths
Always seeking clemency
But won’t give benefit of the doubt
And yet, I’m the one they call divergent
Because I’m slow to pick up norms
Discovering life as it shows up
Instead of aiming to conform
It’s enough to make me crazy
But I’m not trying to be neurotic
I refuse to believe it’s normalcy
To use emotions like narcotics
However this is what I witness
In the way that folks react
Feeling their way through unseen worlds
Then crashing like trains that go off track
But when confronted about their behavior
They cry and say, “I didn’t mean it.”
It’s like having your cake and eating it too
Now isn’t that convenient?

Reactive or Creative

Higher Up IDEALS2 Comments

I noticed something the other day
That I can’t get out of my head
If you move the “c” up to the front
Reactive spells creative instead
I wondered if it was intentional
Did the makers of the language know
Was it a clue for those who seek the Way
To maintain a Life in Flow?
They say, “Be creative, not reactive
Or at least reactively creative
This is the Way of wondering ones
For whom the Way of Flow is Native
Embrace the Mystery
Be present with The Presence
Instead of being pushed and pulled
Make movements from your Essence”
Or perhaps it’s just a coincidence
Onto which I’m projecting meaning
Maybe reaction is creation too
Even when it isn’t seeming
I’ll possibly never know for certain
But still I have the choice
To choose Reaction or Creation
In how I use my voice

Photo by Kiana Bosman on Unsplash
Instagram @kiana.bosman

Trance Union

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You can call me a Galaxy
For I’m composed of worlds
With as many thoughts as stars in the sky
Meanwhile consciousness comets hurl
Every moment is filled with wonder
There’s no such thing as norm
My changing mind is supernova
I concentrate and planets form
From my dreams I project species
More strange than what’s imagined
Unconsciously combining elements
From the stuff which All is fashioned
But at some point I got distracted
I lost track of my creations
I gave them a mind just like my own
And they divided into Nations
Instead of seeing with eyes of awe
As I imagined them to be
They sought to control their neighbor’s lives
Before turning their sights on me
They wanted my approval
They wanted my command
But when I refused to play their game
They then let go of my hand
It was as if I never existed
As they projected onto me
Illusions of a divided state
The very opposite of what is free
I wondered how this happened
Them thinking thoughts I cannot think
Casting shadows where there is only light
Descending where love could never sink
But instead of anger I felt compassion
Because I knew I was their cause
So in an effort to guide them back to love
I gifted them with Laws
But because they came from freedom
Laws felt like a type of prison
They failed at loving and living law
And got trapped in indecision
Incapable of escaping
The prison that they made
I decided to be a prisoner too
For surrender’s key unlocks the cage
So when they saw I was escaping
From what was never meant to be
The Galaxy folded in upon itself
And all that ever was is me

Image by Jeremy Thomas

A Cloak of Shadows

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We all entered this given world
Shining ever so brightly
Until we were handed a cloak of shadows
And were taught to take our shining lightly
The shadow cloaks that we are given
Are all different, but the same
Put on by people who we’re born to trust
But started lying with our name
They called us a moniker we didn’t choose
That made them feel a certain way
Perhaps a projection of someone’s past
That we’re expected to display
Rather than get to know us
And discover who we are
They tell us who we’re supposed to be
And complain if we stray far
But it’s not that I’m trying to blame them
They did what they knew to do
Because before they projected onto us
They were cloaked in shadows too
They too were forced into a box
Aimed to maintain society
They believed the lies that were told to them
Before they ever lied to me
Some were told the lie that they were best
When compared to other people
While some were told that they are worst
And must forever work at achieving equal
But, both these states are lies
There’s no one above or below another
And the truth is there’s no shadow here
That another’s light cannot uncover
You see all of us were meant to shine
So that this world won’t be in dark
And each of us has the work to do
Of dissolving shadows with our spark
In so doing we don’t just free ourselves
We free all who came before
Until the world is filled with shining lights
Who wear shadow cloaks no more

Photo by Sunny Tank on scop.io