We come from Sound and Silence
Our Father and Our Mother
Birthing us eternally
No one separate from another
The peace and the passion
Part and parcel. One and same.
Called by many titles
But emerging from One Name.
We are Here. We are Now.
Just as we shall ever be.
There is nothing lost that ever was.
Ever present we shall be
© Copyright 2015 Pedro S. Silva II
There’s something I feel I must say to you
Don’t get angry just because it’s true
This is something I feel I have to do
Now let me break it down for you
We dig it!
When we see those people with nothing to eat
Somehow it makes us feel more complete
So we dig it.
We see they’re so poor so we’re comparatively rich
But if it were not for them, there would be no rich
How would we know if we all had the same shit?
So we need the poor, ain’t that a bitch
Can you dig it?
Man, so and so’s kid is bad as hell
But it makes my kid comparatively well
So I dig it.
Now here is something else for you
Once again it’s extremely true
Someone has to be down to look up to you
So thank God for losers because I’m one too
Can you dig it?
If it wasn’t for the darkness
Would there be light?
So thank God for the madness
Does that seem right?
This is something I won’t explain tonight.
But still we dig it.
Now there’s one more thing I have to say
None of you are wrong today
If it wasn’t to be, it wouldn’t be this way
It’s all part of the process of becoming OK
Can we dig it?
Luke 18 offers a parable attributed to Jesus that tells the story of a man who, while in so called prayer, compared himself to other people and found himself to be comparatively righteous.
“Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, ‘God, I thank You that I am not like other men—extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I possess.’ And the tax collector, standing afar off, would not so much as raise his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me a sinner!’ I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.”
How familiar does that sound? Have you ever looked at other people and thought like the above Pharisee? I’m sure most of you have. I know I used to and I would venture to say that 99% of Americans do. It is part of our indoctrination here. And I think it is safe to assume that this is done the world over to the same degree. It clearly was happening in Jesus’ locale and time and as we know it is still happening now. The fact is that most of us would have no concept of who we are outside of the context of other people. Like the Pharisee, we compare ourselves to others and either exalt ourselves or look down on ourselves in relation to the people we are comparing ourselves to. This practice is rampant in humanity and operates at every so called level of society from the poorest of the poor to the richest of the rich. From the highest IQ to the lowest. From the least attractive to the most. Do you see what I am doing here by calliing up these spectra? When I say high isn’t that where you want to be? When I say low isn’t that what you want to avoid? The question is, who is determining what is “high” and “low”? As you can see from the parable, Jesus doesn’t use our standards of judgment. Most of us would be kissing the butt of the Pharisaical equivalent in our own time and circumstances. We’d believe his hype and step all over ourselves to get into his entourage.
I remember one time some friends asked me to play basketball. I tried to explain to them that I never cultivated my hoop game, but I was willing to play if they could concentrate on their game instead of mine. They played all of the time and it was a waste of all of our energies to compare my skills to theirs or to get frustrated if I passed the ball into the bleachers or dribbled on my foot. They assured me that they could live in the moment and just play for fun and drop the whole competitive thing. “We’re just playing for exercise”, they swore. Well, the game began and ten minutes in, I could tell that my partner wanted to punch me in the mouth. It would not have been the first time I was punched on the basketball court for “making someone lose”, so I knew the signs. But, this time I was playing with adults, so I figured the frustration would not get pass the evil eye and the occassional scream of “COME ON!” So I just did my best. We were only playing to 21 and my only goal was to make at least one basket before the game was over. I was actually having fun. I was in my own world, rating myself solely by how close I actually got to getting the ball in. Air, air, backboard, backboard, air, rim, rim, backboard. Then it happened. There was no hope. We were going to lose, but I kept playing like the game was as close as one of those Mighty Ducks movies.
According to programming, my teammate was dying inside. Why did he get me? “Pass the ball,” he yelled. I guess the possibililty of losing 21 to 6 seemed more appealing than 21 to 4. But I took the shot and by God’s grace, we were 1 point higher on the defeat scale. 19 to 7. I’m jumping up and down. I made a shot. And then the game was sealed as the other guys took it home. As they reveled in their glory and proceeded to throw it in my face, I said, “Yeah. You destroyed a guy who played the game 5 times in his life and only twice with other people. Woopity doo. But did you see that shot I got on you? I’m only 5’4″ and I got that shot over your 6′ head. How were you not able to block that?” Of course he looked at me like I was crazy. On top of that I took all of the fun out of his gloating. “If Jesus were calling that game he would have said I won, but who’s keeping score?” I added. After the dust settled and they decided that I was officially crazy, one of the guys asked me why I wasn’t bothered by the game. I told him that I knew one of us was going to lose. That’s just how it is. If there were no losers, there would be no winners. He needed me in order for him to feel like a winner.Because I knew that, in reality I had nothing to lose. My role completes the universal balance. It’s just how it is.
This is the reality y’all. The Universe does not need our judgment. It is pretty pointless in the grand scheme of things. When we compare ourselves to others and try to determine our status in relation to them, it is an exercise in futility. As long as we do that we will never be able to truly desire for the fulfillment of all life. How can we? How can we be happy for people if we think of them as being better off than us? How can we see eye to eye with those in temporary need if we think we are in a position to pity them or feel sorry for them? One of my favorite quotes is from the actor, Kevin Costner. I read an article he was featured in after he won a bunch of awards for Dances with Wolves. When asked how excited he was about all of the achievements he said, “Hey, I am just a guy living a life like anybody else.” And that’s it in a nutshell. We are all people living lives and making choices. Comparing ourselves to others and gauging our value based on what other people are doing adds nothing to our lives.
With this poem, I hope the reader is willing to admit that we have this tendency to compare ourselves to others and base our worth on a false sense of value, if in fact that is the case. We need to know that each and everyone of us is of infinite value to our Creator. Do you know what it takes to get us here? It takes everything. God does not hold back. God gives everything to everything. God literally pours God’s entire Being into everything that IS. And then once we become self aware or should I say self conscious, we begin the futile attempts to break it down, categorize it, and judge it according to our limited points of view. What if we could just stop it all? What if we could just be with each other, appreciate each other, and just live our lives together?
So the next time you catch yourself putting yourself down or lifting yourself up solely based on other people, just admit it. No one can really judge you, so don’t judge yourself. And as Jesus beseeched us, “Judge not, lest thou be judged” (by yourself).
7 “Judge not, that you be not judged. 2 For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. 3 And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? 5 Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.6 “Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces.
I am the man society made
I had no choice in me
Your anger, your love, your joy, your frustration
Are all that I can be
I am a man without a Voice
All I say is what you need
Never able to speak for me,
Until all of us are freed
Have you ever felt like you had no choice in the person that you are? It’s as if everything that you do is interpreted in a manner over which you have no choice. I’ve felt that feeling and I have known many people who have. Sometimes it works for you–at least until you start to question it–and sometimes it doesn’t. For a long time it worked for me. I ended up looking like the good guy no matter what I did because that was the role people assigned to me. There were even times where I deliberately set out to do wrong and it turned out good. I couldn’t stand it. I was trapped by goodness. I couldn’t even be a jerk if I wanted to. I was what they said I was and there is nothing “they” hate more than being wrong. The ego is so crazy that even when I admitted to being wrong and tried to punish myself, the people who were invested in my goodness would not support my own summation of myself. That is how crazy we are sometimes. Here’s a good example.
When I was in the military, I started out as a super shiny and crispy airman. My uniform was pressed, my boots were shiny, and I was super respectful. I drank the kool-aid in basic training and asked for seconds. I liked the order and the core values and all that rut. When it came time for the reviews, I deserved a 5 out of 5 and expected it. I honored the system, followed it, and deserved to get the scores it said someone who followed it was supposed to get. So when my first supervisor who didn’t know anything about me since he was deployed my entire evaluation period tried to give me a 3, I let him know that wasn’t happening. Everyone else who got to know me in the office knew I was a 5 so they would not accept his recommendation.
I know I sound arrogant, but is it arrogant to call a red rose red? No. I was a 5, because “they” had already decided I was a 5 because I did what 5s were supposed to do. I had paid enough attention in life to know that there was nothing he or anyone could do about it without getting into some serious crazy stuff. Of course, he doubted my take on things and went into the NCOIC’s (Non Commissioned Officer in Charge) to tell him I deserved a 3. His reasoning was that I did not work well with others, because he heard me tell a fellow airman to do his job or get out of my way. Well, after a few minutes, he emerged from the office looking like he was going to cry. He wouldn’t even look me in the eye. I was then called in the office where the NCOIC proceeded to tell me to ignore everything my supervisor said. “Obviously he does not know you. I will do your evaluation and it is a 5.” All I said was, “Ok. Thanks.” After that, my supervisor and I never really talked much. He knew his opinion didn’t count for anything. The irony is, neither did mine.
Fast forward 2 years. I went from shiny and crispy to dull and flaky. I was overweight, angry, and was sweating alcohol. I put getting haircuts off to the last minute and my pseudofolliculitis barbae (that is medical talk for razor bumps) was getting out of hand since I had finally started to grow facial hair. I was a mess and I knew it. On top of it all I was having crazy heart palpitations. I was no longer 5 material even in my own summation–especially in my summation. In retrospect I guess I was in mourning from a relationship ending. But at the time I did not have sympathy for myself so I decided that I was just a punk. I felt so crappy I didn’t even think God wanted anything to do with me. And so out of anger, I turned my projection of God’s imagined sentiment toward me back onto my idea of God and then rejected it. In short, I didn’t even have God to lean on at that time. And I started going out to clubs and drinking and generally trying to make up for lost time when I was “good for no reason”. Still, somehow, like Solomon I was able to see myself acting like a fool with some clarity.
When evaluation time came around again, I was able to be honest on the form where it asked my opinion of myself. Being a little generous for the extenuating circumstances of my break-up, I gave myself a 3.5. I didn’t care that the lower score would effect my ability to get promoted or anything. I still had respect for what the system was designed for. I didn’t think someone acting like I was acting should be headed toward promotion anyway and so I told the truth about my decline. Guess what happened. I got called into the office and was essentially told what my old supervisor had been told. I was not getting anything less than a 5. I protested that it was unfair and that people like me deserved 3.5s or else the whole system would be corrupted. My new supervisor eventually begged me to accept a 5 for his sake and I told him, “I don’t care what you do because this system is fake.” He told me that if it made me feel any better, he would write in my areas of improvement that I talked too much and was too hard on myself. I remained a 5.
So you see. In that case, I was the man that society made. I had no choice in me. Unfortunately, I know several people who did not benefit from this human tendency to see what they want to see. And believe me, I have been on that side too. This place has a way of trying to force you into conformity with the story “they” have already written for us. I could have easily told you a story about brothers in my neighborhood who were convinced that there was “nothing for a nigga to do but sling” after being crushed by the pressures around them or of a friend who was so tired of being looked at like he was going to steal something that he snapped and did it and was consequently labeled a thief. I could have, but I used the example above because I think it is important to know that there are people who benefit from some of our systems who are just as trapped as those of us who don’t seemingly benefit. We’re all in this world together and I think that the sooner we realize that we are serving systems instead of being served by them and serving humanity as a whole, the sooner we will be able to erase the lines we think separate us from one another. Jesus told the religious robots of his time that the Sabbath was created for humanity, not the other way around. The same is true for all of the systems we have in place. I don’t think that there is anything wrong with systems, but when people are being herded into them like cattle forced to play roles that may run contrary to their spirit, those systems need to be questioned. If they are not open to questioning then none of us are free.
This poem calls to consciousness that feeling of despair that colors many of our lives. Like Eminem said, “I am whatever you say I am. If I wasn’t then why would you say I am.” That’s what many of us feel like after years of being fed this story of who we are or who we are supposed to be. I want you to know that we have a choice. When you read this poem, I hope that you acknowledge any feelings that come up around it and then decide whether or not you want to keep allowing them to dictate your life. Because you do have a choice even if it may not seem to be an easy one. The key is to follow Jesus’ advice to the rich young ruler in Luke 18:18-27. If we can do that, then we go from being someone society made to someone God created. That’s where the freedom lives.
One With You
They say we’re separate and unequal
But I see You watching me
And you see me watching You as well
Just as it should be
They tell me something’s missing
But everything lives inside of You
And because I know Your Home is in my heart
Everything lives inside me too
That’s why You’re my only Destination
And my Journey along the Way
You are also my Right Here and Now
And the Words with which I pray
You are the Gift that keeps on Giving
And the Giver of the Gift Yourself
My only desire is to give like You
Because You are the only Source of Wealth
That’s why I am so eternally grateful
For the opportunity to know
That the Life in me is the Life in You
Thank You for creating it so
© 2007 Pedro S. Silva II
In the 17th Chapter of John the author of that book depicts Jesus praying for his remaining disciples as well as for the people who will believe in his witness to God based on the testimony of his disciples. In those prayers, he asks that his present and future disciples stay in the word that he gave them and remain One with God just as he is. Check it out.
John 17:20-26
New King James Version (NKJV)
Jesus Prays for All Believers
20 “I do not pray for these alone, but also for those who will believe in Me through their word; 21 that they all may be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You; that they also may be one in Us, that the world may believe that You sent Me. 22 And the glory which You gave Me I have given them, that they may be one just as We are one: 23 I in them, and You in Me; that they may be made perfect in one, and that the world may know that You have sent Me, and have loved them as You have loved Me.
24 “Father, I desire that they also whom You gave Me may be with Me where I am, that they may behold My glory which You have given Me; for You loved Me before the foundation of the world. 25 O righteous Father! The world has not known You, but I have known You; and these have known that You sent Me. 26 And I have declared to them Your name, and will declare it, that the love with which You loved Me may be in them, and I in them.”
This poem takes responsibility for that word that Christ has given. Be One. I equate this with being Real. Oneness is Reality and everything else is a lie. I hope that by the time you get through this blog you understand what I mean when I say that lies do not exist. The reality is ONE or none. That’s it. God is not divisible. Jesus taught that a house divided against itself cannot stand. Paul taught that “within God we live and move and have our being.” One of the Hebrew names for God is HaMakom which means The Place. God is our Home people. We have never left our Home. Can you believe this? You are either One with God or no one without God. Now for those of you who think that this statement is some kind of religious zealotry, I suggest you reserve judgment until later. I am not religious. In fact I do not think that religion is based on reality. I think that religion is designed to keep the lie at bay. It ‘s like a big dam that is trying to protect us from being destroyed by illusion. In order to do that, structures are created as alternatives to the temptation of the world. This is noble, but it is based on making the lie real, which it is not. The lie says that separation from God is real. It says that there is somewhere we can go from God’s spirit. It says that God has a divided mind that differentiates between what we call light and dark. It says that there are people in hell who are away from God. But, Psalm 139 says:
7 Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? 8 If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there. 9 If I take the wings of the morning, And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, 10 Even there Your hand shall lead me, And Your right hand shall hold me. 11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall on me,” Even the night shall be light about me; 12 Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You, But the night shines as the day; The darkness and the light are both alike to You.
So no, I am not religious and I do not think Jesus is either. For those who think otherwise, I suggest reading the Bible. In my understanding, Jesus wanted us to wake up the Reality of God and to our own Reality as being One with God. As the above Psalm says in verse 18, “When I awake, I am still with You.” It is only a dream that we are not with God. In the poem, I am expressing what I get out of John 17. We are One with God. God is in relationship with All. Jesus compelled us to love one another and to love our so called enemies because God loves All without distinction. Jesus faced death and gave his life, because he refused to protect himself from a lie. He denied its reality. He knew that his life was in God’s eternal Life and in that reality, he received God’s name. That Name has been declared to us and that Name is One. It is the Name above every name. Your name, all of our names are housed in that Name. If we can’t find our name in that Name, we will never know who we are.
I know that there are a lot of things or experiences in life that may convince you that you are nowhere near God. But I am here to tell you Psalm 139 is true. There is nowhere we can go from the Spirit of One. I know, because I have tried. It was in the depths of the hell that I made for myself that I heard my name in the Name. My hope is that if you’re on the journey to know your name that you will find your name within the Name and live your life as One even as Christ is One. And I hope the testimony of this blog can help facilitate that.
I made this blog, because after stepping away from this book for nearly seventeen years, I have authentically used the book, It’s All In Me, for the purpose for which it was originally conceived–as a roadmap back into consciousness. It provided me with a breadcrumb trail back to the core of my being when I stepped off the path and entered into the wilderness of life. That’s no joke. For the most part, I am a person that avoids tumultuous situations if I can help it. I try to learn from other people’s mistakes and circumvent making my own. But I’ve discovered that life is “dirty”. I’m convinced that we’re meant to get the grime of life under our fingernails while somehow remembering and/or maintaining the awareness that we are of Divine stock. I trust the witness of Christ to that effect and try to live my life with the anticipation of realizing in myself and others that which I believe he saw in humanity.
John 3:16-17 teaches that “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.”
For the past 40 years, I have been trying to figure out what Christ saw in us that was worth dying for. That’s what I want to know, because I do not think that one can truly live without that knowledge. This is one man’s opinion. Engaging life from this consciousness, is not a religious thing. It is a reality thing. And that is what “It’s All In Me” is striving toward. I do not try to escape from the fact that the best and worst of what we witness in humanity dwells within me and in every one of us. And yet, I believe that every dimension of my being–of all of our being is wholly loved and embraced in the reality of the One many of us call God. I think Jesus engaged humanity from that reality and that each and every one of us has that option. That’s what this book tries to remind us of. We have choice in how we engage humanity no matter what our story is. This book was written in poetry so that the reader can help create it as they read. I want you to project yourself into the poems and own the fact that the best and worst of what you encounter in these readings is within you. The question is: What will you do with that consciousness?
“There is so much good in the worst of us, and so much bad in the best of us, it doesn’t behoove any of us to speak evil of the rest of us ” — Edgar Cayce
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It's All In Me - Poetry Blog 